Sunday Scaries in These Foolish Things
- April 23, 2023, 6:53 p.m.
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- Public
I absolutely hate this feeling. I’m 10 weeks into this gig and it’s ruined my weekend. I dread going into the office tomorrow, even though I’m happy to have 2/3 of my staff in-house. I’m also interviewing another designer tomorrow to replace the one I lost to another area in the company (she’s not going to work out, however, so there goes another one, contributing to the high turnover), but I don’t want to take on another person! …well, I say that. What if she’s super good and she can help me??
Regardless, I’m feeling sooooo ugh about it all right now. I woke up this morning from a dream about work! That’s so frigging DUMB!
And I’m a little bit lonely, too.
The good news is that my sweet friend Michelle came to visit me from a town that’s about 45 minutes north of me yesterday (Saturday). She came for a walk and talk with me at my amazing park and I was so happy she did. It truly made my weekend.
Michelle is a gem of a person. I’ve known her for a good 30 years now - starting with work about 5 jobs ago. We knew each other in [former city] and she also did business with the company I worked for in The Great Midwest, so we’d see each other when she came to town on business, and I’d see her in NYC when we’d travel there for work too. And then she decided to become a full-time artist and move with her husband to this little town north of [my city], and I just love that. Great visit!
But then all day today I have fretted over work bullshit that I’m going to have to deal with this week.
I just ran into a CVS to grab something and I started talking with this woman because I had Martini with me. Turns out she’s a rehab counselor and I feel like I just had a friendly counseling session. Ha!
Y’all. I need a backup plan. I knew it was not going to be easy going in, but I never dreamed that I’d be feeling like this after 10 weeks. But then how am I going to explain this situation after being unemployed for a year, that I didn’t find my latest job a fit??? Halp.
Even Crazy Bob, my psychiatrist friend told me to get ready to pivot, but he also gave me some decent advice about how to help me alleviate my anxiety and stick with it for a while. Now, it does have to do with “microdosing” my Valium (my language, not his, but technically what it is) for a two week experiment. Plus, he recommended a very impressive-sounding psychologist for some therapy. So.
Anyway. I miss you guys SO MUCH! I want to write more, but I find myself so absolutely DRAINED during the work week. I simply don’t have the energy to do much more than come home from work, pour myself a bowl of cereal or two (stress eat), veg in front of the TV (grateful for trash TV like Love is Blind) and then hit my bed. I am asleep the second my head hits the pillow and I have trouble dragging myself out of bed in the morning.
I HATE being like that. Where are the days when I was thrilled to get up and out of bed?? Even on my suckiest days at my last job I was always happy to get up.
Now.
GS
Complicated Disaster ⋅ April 23, 2023
Many years ago now I was having similar feelings about a job I was doing. The pressure was ridiculous with two much work and not enough resource. My boss was not only unsupportive but was actively contributing to the problems. I was genuinely on the verge of a breakdown.
But then I had an epiphany. I realised that all the problems were not my fault and there was nothing I could do about them if my boss wouldn't listen. I didn't change anything I did. I still worked as hard as I could. I fixed everything that was in my power to fix. BUT. I stopped beating myself up about all the things I couldn't fix. It was just a mental shift that literally changed my life. I know it's not something everyone can do but maybe it could work for you.
<3 xx
Firebabe Complicated Disaster ⋅ April 24, 2023
This 1000%. It's difficult for people who have a strong work ethic and WANT to do good work, to NOT worry about "fixing" things, but it is LIFE CHANGING if you can reach that state of mental acceptance.
plushcreep Complicated Disaster ⋅ April 30, 2023
I fourth this.
bobbi01 ⋅ April 23, 2023
You need out Pronto. Either that our a quiet quit. This level of misery is just not worth it.
colder ⋅ April 23, 2023
I admire how you've taken the bull by the horns and moved, done all the awesome stuff it took to get yourself here and tackle this new position. And to stick with it, I think that's awesome. But if it impacts your health long term, or it's never any different than it is now, then you have to start thinking about your pivot moves.
We didn't know each other when I had my season like this after a relocation for a job, but I was just about to throw up my hands and go back through the doggy-door to the place I had worked previous to that. Thankfully it got much much better, but I was fit to be tied for like 6 months. So I know a little about how hard that day to day is in this situation, it's so rough.
Lux Lunae ⋅ April 24, 2023
I'm sorry that things are feeling the way they are. Your boss isn't a great leader and it's shitty that she has zero self awareness.
Satine ⋅ April 25, 2023
Ugh I'm sorry work is so stressful right now, you deserve something better. Def keep interviewing
Serin ⋅ April 29, 2023
If you're ready to walk away, you push eject with no regrets. After that it's up to you, 10 additional weeks on a year's gap is nothing, so you can not mention it at all. Or you can mention the work you did here if you proud of it, but say the role turned out to be not as advertised.