Holiday - eek in Life In The Now.

Hi all,

So my birthday has come and gone, on July 14th I flew out to Majorca for a week with a best friend of mine Ben, it was all to relax.

We did relax except on the first night where my drink was spiked, this unleashed everything from deep inside of me unrestrained, so all the hate, rage and unfiltered aggression was out for a good 20 minutes or so. In that time I managed to beat the crap out of my hand repeatedly, bleeding and pounding a sofa imagining it was an enemies face the entire time and I didn't stop.

My friend tried to stop me and I swung for him, he described the look in my eyes as empty. I wasn't angry or even there, just hitting and staring blankly. Basically for me this is an auto pilot function I go into when I lose control that will lash out at anyone / anything I view as a threat.

My friend whom I'd never told about any of my past, my deeper / darker side was scared shitless of me, the unfiltered / unrestrained version of me is not something I wish on anybody. I could kill somebody, not know of it or remember the event at all. That side of me scares me, usually it only comes out now in defence of others and not even myself but it is too unpredictable and scary.

I stood around for a little while in the hotel letting my hand just drip blood onto the floor from the wounds I'd inflicted on myself still silent, apparently the odd guest walked past, their faces with a WTF expression but they quickly moved on thankfully. I don't remember any of this but Ben told me it was one of the surrealist things he has ever seen in his life.

One of the security guards came to grab me. When he placed his hand on me he was thrown down the corridor as a reflex it would seem. Ben told me I was just gone but no one would come near me. I was scary, my eyes just blank and my hand still there dripping a lot of blood over the floor.

Eventually though I walked into the elevator and went to my room. Security didn't follow and the rest of that entire event is so surreal I don't want to describe. The rest of the holiday was restful as it should have been and nice but I wanted to come home by Thursday, seems the food / water abroad didn't really agreed with me as it were.

The highlights were the laughs with Ben and myself but the negatives aren't worth mentioning. I'll deliver those to the travel company themselves :)

Kind regards,

G