switch it off in 2014

3:39pm

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I feel like a tall glass of beer and/or whiskey to celebrate my Irish roots, but I'm stuck at work. Maybe tonight? During dancing with the stars! It's always fun to watch that while you've been drinking. hah.

I was just stereotyping the Irish there, wasn't I? I think I'm allowed because it's a part of me. Or maybe not. I'll just speak for my Irish roots then, not everyone else's!

So I realize I'm going to look back at this someday and probably laugh, or cry, or shake my head because everything sounds so silly, but this CK thing is driving me nuts.

I literally cannot get my brain to stop. It's like constant thoughts all.the.time! Plus he shows up every where. Like randomly seeing him driving by on Saturday. Then I'm sitting in the back today and I hear a loud truck and immediately knew it was him. I just had a feeling. And mom asked if that was him in a flatbed with a dog tied to the back [she must have seen him go by the window. I was blocked off by a screen]. I told her that it probably was since he has that loud truck. Followed by clicking of boots on the pavement and she tells me it's definitely him. Nice of her to keep an eye out. haha.

He didn't stop by though. Just worked in the coffee shop for a while and later I heard his truck leaving. I know that I'm not doing very much to actually stop myself from all the thoughts. I mean, what can you do? Other than like yelling "stop" to your mind every time you start going there. That doesn't seem to be working all that well. I'd like to get to a point where it's just sorta there or it's not there. Like any other thoughts one might have. Mostly because I would like the whole thing to play itself out [have I said this enough? ha] without all this constant chatter in my head.

The idea of seeing him every day doesn't really bother me all that much. He seems nice enough and we tend to get along [as long as we don't discuss schooling options for kids, or politics; I've learned]. I don't know what else he wants to do here. Should we be friends? It would be nice not to have to pursue that all on my own and he's still impossible to read.

I'm not even sure what I'll think if I come back years from now to read these things. It's so different from like all the random boy talk that I tend to go through on a daily basis. We probably would definitely make great friends, but there doesn't seem to be any sort of transition to that space.

Such is life I guess. You take it one day at a time and hope it all works out the way it's supposed to. At least I have faith in that.

But my brain! Man I want to turn it off for a little while so that I can think about something else. It's not fun to have this on all the time. I'm sure I'm missing out on something else good out there!

rose.
6:14pm

Last updated July 21, 2014