Crazy
[This entry has been edited to erase a memory I no longer want to keep. Not a bad memory. Just a silly memory. The rest of the entry I kept because I found it entertaining to read.] I am sure you have felt like that , you know, wanting something you can't have so bad that it soon begins to feel as though you need it. Something that engulfs your mind so that all you can think about is that one thing. Then you wonder if maybe you just want it because you can't have it. Yeah, that's it. You have thought about it so much that you trick your mind into thinking that this is something that you need, rather than something you just want... or would like to have... or something that you don't have and wouldn't mind having... or don't need but if you had it, it wouldn't hurt. All those thoughts boiling in your mind until you've driven yourself so entirely crazy that you think you have gone mad. Ok, maybe I have exaggerated. However, I believe exaggeration, distortion, condensation, and/or displacement are used by artists and dreamers. I really like to believe myself an artist. And damn it, if I am not an artist than I must be at least a dreamer!
So now that I am convinced that I am crazy I have had to adjust my lifestyle accordingly. I am certainly not mentally stable. How do I know this? It's easy. I feel perfectly content with knowing that I have psychological defeciency. This is partly why I want to paint my room red. Boring white walls are enough to drive a person to be insane. I feel that I am only a little bit crazy. I don't want to be "rocking my body" or "banging my head on walls crazy." I mean, who would? No one ever says, "When I grow up I want to schitzophranic."
Anyway, this girl has got to get off this computer. I guess I am going to sleep now. If I don't go to sleep then I will start eating. And as of lately, eating is all I do. So I say, "goodnight."
Her
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