The Truth Will Set You Free Wednesday, December 03, 2003
I knew the truth about Keith. I just didn't want to believe it. I liked the dream of him loving me and wanting to be with me and only me. I wanted so much to just be loved by him like I loved him. However, the lies he told me didn't add up. The things he did and didn't do, didn't make sense. He never answered questions directly. He always avoided the question by answering it with another question. And yet still, I wanted to believe I was crazy and that he truly meant the things he said.
Then Tari called me. I respect her so much for her bravery. She started thinking that maybe Keith wasn't being honest with her either. Keith used to tell her that I was stalking him. Then she got a hold of his phone bill and noticed that he was calling me all the time. She finally had to know the truth and called me. We exchanged stories and learned all about the truth. Keith wasn't the man we thought he was. And yet he was. We just didn't want to believe the truth. We didn't want to believe that the man we fell in love with didn't love us back. He just used us for things. He used her for money. He used me for sex.
So the question that burns inside me and Tari is the same. Did he ever love either one of us? Again, we want to believe that he did. Again, he probably didn't. And as you see, I stated that he "probably didn't." Do I really think that he could have? I actually find it easier to believe that he cared about her more than he did me. Maybe that is low self esteem. Maybe the truth is getting easier to see. Maybe he never loved either one of us. Right now, at this point, I just want to believe that he loved me and her but couldn't make up his mind which he loved more. That's almost comforting to me. However, me knowing that he will live a cold lonely life is comforting too. However, that's bitterness, and the probability of that is low.
So as me and Tari sleep poorly tonight wondering where we went wrong with Keith, he will most likely sleep like a baby in the arms of yet another woman. I pray for that woman tonight. I pray that God gives her the strength to see through his lies. I thank God for Giving Tari the strength to call me. Now that the truth is out in the open, we have all been set free... Tari and I will someday sleep well, wake the next morning, and find the man that will love us... However, it won't be the same man this time.
It's funny. Keith used to always say that the truth will set us free. Now look at him. He's pretty free. Free to do whatever he wants because Tari and I don't want him. And someday, he's going to to have no one left. He's going to crash. He once placed his hand on the bible and swore to God that he never cheated on Tari. God was listening to him. Look at him now. He is in debt. He has no money. He is forced to work at Burger King because no where else will hire him. He's becoming an alcoholic, and lastly, he lost two very good women that were in his life.
The truth is always out there. Don't be affraid to get it.
Her
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