It feels so good to just be adored. Absolutely adored. Kenny wants me. He's learning my likes and dislikes and mannerisms. He wants to plan a trip together, he wants to throw a party with me. He wants to grow as a person and enjoys the freedom of expression and the comfort he has with me.
Kenny and I are both changing our lives. He's lost 48 pounds since February, and he just got a job offer that he is excited about, and starts on a trial basis on Monday. His dream job would be a dance teacher, but this will be a good day job for him. And, he does teach dance. He teaches, djs, and hosts twice a week. He's one of the better dancers in country in our style.
He's inspiring. He makes me want to take better care of myself, he makes me want to make goals and strive for them. He also makes me want to do nothing but cook and fuck all day :)
We went on a nice walk at night the other night. We talk a lot. I used to think that if I kept talking and bringing up different subjects that he'd chime in, but I've learned that the best way to get him talking is to wait. Just be silent, for a little longer than I would otherwise. Suddenly, he's telling me stories and jokes and memories. He's really really funny.
My mom has a weird disease called DISH, which means that the ligaments attached to her spine are calcifying and basically turning into bone. As a part of the disease, she has a bone spur on the inner side of her spine that is poking into her throat and making it hard and painful for her to swallow. They don't know what causes it, or how to cure it, and it gets progressively worse. If it gets really bad, they can move her esophagus during surgery and shave the bone on the other side, but they say that's basically reserved for people who can no longer eat.
Kenny knew I was scared when I was telling him this, and said something about her body turning to stone. He asked if she had looked at any snake-haired women, because he hears that can cause it.
It's stuff like that that is so unexpected that makes me laugh really hard. I needed that. I'm going to ask mom that later, and she'll probably groan and then smile.
I like it that this feels healthy, and mutual, and good for me. I have trouble thinking of this as a rebound thing, because I feel like Kenny's been around a long time. This isn't about sexual loneliness and pain. He isn't distracting me from my issues. I'm not trying to get revenge or do anything weird. Kenny and I seem really well-suited for each other. He's positive, supportive, sexy, fun, funny, kind, smart, and adores me. Sometimes I can tell that he just found a new reason why he loves me. I showed him the "Ask a Ninja" excuses episode, and the one explaining podcasts. He said it was such a trip back to four years ago when he used to watch that all the time. He was quite for a moment, just smiling, and his face turned a little red as I was looking at him. So good.
Let's see. Since this is my unfiltered diary... let's illuminate possible things to not like. Hmm. He could be a bit neater. Nothing too worrisome, but I get the feeling that dishes don't get done that often. His roommate apparently doesn't help with cleaning at all, though.
That's what worries me the most, actually, the way he doesn't seem to know how to communicate with his roommate. To let Jordan know that dishes need to be cleaned, trash needs to be taken out, turning off lights is important...
I worry that if Kenny and I lived together, he would have trouble speaking up about things that bother him. Kenny has told me that Jordan should help more, but he's never told Jordan.
I try to check in with Kenny often, seeing if he's ok with stuff. I try to be empathetic.
I'm also his first real, actual girlfriend. He's always been big and shy. He says picky, but I'll say low self-esteem. He first had sex at 31 to a girl in an open-relationship with her boyfriend. He's had sex now with 10 women (I'm #9), and he's now 37. He had some kind of online girlfriend for 6 months, and some other long-distance thing, but this is the first time he's every had regular sex. Before me, he hadn't had sex with the same person twice in more than 5 years.
I don't understand it, though. It's like no one really noticed him, or viewed him as a sexual and romantic being until me just recently.
And, true, the first time we fucked was awkward. His weight made it physically difficult to have sex. We were limited in positions, and he had far less stamina. It's sad that he was alone for so many years, because he's so amazing.
He's always had a beautiful face, and gorgeous eyes. Now that he's slimming down, the rest of him is looking much better as well. I like it that I started with him before he started losing weight. I think that that is really calming for him, knowing that I cared for him from the beginning.
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