No matter what comes in 2014

10:17pm

I should be sleeping [I'm sure that's not the first time I've said that line...]. I work tomorrow at 9am and we have a full day. Like an appointment every hour between 9am and 8pm. That should make for an interesting day. I'm just hoping we don't have too many phone calls and/or walk-ins because I won't have any room to squeeze them in. I mean I want the clients but I feel bad not having enough room and I'd rather not have to deal with that whole situation. Hopefully it all works out. I don't have too many options.

It's possible that I put a little too much 'vitamins' in my drink tonight. Like maybe it's kinda kicking in and I can't help it. It is Friday night though. Who cares if I don't have a day off this week! I'm all about this working hard thing.

I think it's going to be a good year for me. I have high hopes at least. It would be nice if during my "break" from work I took the time to focus on some new projects. I'd also like to take any money I make and work on my bucketlist. If I could just mark one of the list I would be stoked. Maybe the hot air ballon. Or the hockey game. Or whatever.

There's just something that feels right about this year. I don't know why and it's impossible to explain. I mean last year I finally reached this point where I was truly happy and I figure it can only go up from there. I've spent far too much of my life in this place that just doesn't make sense anymore. I'm ready to spend a little time focusing on all the things I really want to do. It sucks living with a bunch of regrets. And I know I've probably said these things before, but I'm stuck here. I have to accept that and I have to make the best of it. Maybe this really is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. It's possible that I've been in denial, stuck my head in the sand, for all this time. But I mean, time is going by way too fast for me to be sitting around waiting for something else to come along. It ain't so bad here. I know that. I used to love this place. I still mostly do. I just need to find a way to expand my social scene. Make some friends and have something to do during the off-season. That's all that's missing.

What I really need to do is learn how to be friendly. Small talk, chatting, conversation kinda things. I need to find a way to connect with strangers. To make them feel welcome and like we are all the greatest friends. I'm pretty horrible at that right now. Making small talk might as well be the death of me. I'm working on it though. Too bad Mom didn't pass that gene on to me. Seems I got all the shy/quiet ones and none of the ones that help you connect.

I mean let's sit and stare at each other for a while. I can connect with you that way. Feel everything you're feeling. But maybe you wouldn't notice it at all. So I guess that's not as good.

Totally rambling, aren't I?

There are just some days where you need to write no matter what comes out. Let it flow onto this tiny white screen and go from there. I feel that a lot when I'm at work but I don't always have the time to put the words down. Right now I'm just avoiding sleep so that gives me a moment or two. :-)

This kid came into the office yesterday and it's possible that I have a new "type". Like the scruffy faced country guys that come in with grease all over their hands. There's something attractive about a guy who gets his hands dirty at work. I don't know.

I've totally wandered off now! The poor kid was straight outta high school. This is why I need a social life! geez. Or spend more time with CK. He could satisfy this whole thing for me.

sidenote: it's funny how he seems to fit all the criteria for what I don't want out of someone. I wouldn't actually say I have a type, but if there was a type I didn't want; he'd fit it. So why can't I get rid of all these thoughts about him? It doesn't make sense to me. At all.

It must be the red hair! That's it! I've always had a thing for red heads. hahah!

Ok, I'm sorry you had to endure this entry. Or maybe you just skipped here to the end. That would have been smart. I should have told you this a while ago huh? My bad. I'm off to...do something.

rose.

10:42pm

Last updated July 18, 2014