hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi in QUEENCESS AZARA

i wonder what's happening....

hmm... really strange..... i don't know what the hell is going on. but hm. it's not that bad whatever's happening or not happening.... i'm boredddddd.... can't wait for work to start!!! hahahaha. hm. i will be eager to start work. not so feeling bad towards work anymore. of cos, but it still will bore me but at lest it gives me money!! $$$$$$ kah cheng!!!

i'm what the helll... what's happening i'm lost.... i'm having a headache and know what? 'm really worried about my diet and health and the stupid candida i'm really hoping to resolve it i'm praying hard that the water fast tomorrow will resolve it. dear universe, pls help me!!! i'm relly hoping it can work out... so that i can heal....

dear universe, help me show me what to do so that i can help myself. i'm at my wit's ends siah. sianz leh...

i'm kinda getting sick of release.... wonder why. it seems to be giving me a headache. or am i really getting a headache

hm.... oh candida candida what a pretty name you have but yet you are so hideaous and evil and stubborn.... oh my so stubborn u are i hate u i hate u when can i ever tame u?

sigh. .. oh driss... will i fear losing u?? maybe i do. but u were never mine to begin with.... u are not my bf.... u r not....

i am going to have u. am i? i dunno. i'm scared to hope or to imagine. the best i can do is to keep doing my own things.... if u love me and show up then great. otherwise, i will continue my life

why do i need a man so much ? he makes me feel loved and cherished.....

someone to be there for me. who will want me.

i dunno if i control rs, but i believe there are things that are objectionable withina relationship. because it is a matter of respect. how can i accept it if he behaves in ways that do not respet me ?

i believe it is ok to set my expectations.

oh it hurts so much when he did that. to do things that show that he did not cherish me... flirting with other girls.... how could he ???? it clearly showed that he didn't cherish me. i felt so disturbed.... i don't understand. how can a partner behave like that ??? don't they know how it hurt? it hurt my self esteem... am i not worth for him to care abt my feelings ?? felt so like i'm worth nothing. it hurts when he did that he didn't care about my feelings and i didn't make a big enough fuss i wished i made a big enough fuss. next time i will. i will be drama for all i care!!! sharen sharen. you were TOO NICE!!!! you were TO NICE to him! his behavior is so deplorable!!!!! i hate you!!!! i hate you!!!! you all !!! i hate u all!!! \i still find it so disgusting in me.... the kind of perso that he was it hurts so much so much i still hurts it still hurts it still hurts very very much it still hurts very much i always feel that sinking feeling whenever i talk abt firo. that feeling of distaste disgust. u make me puke! u low creature! what a lowly creature u r u insect. that's what u are an insect spiteful insect a low being a unevolved being disguting absolutely disgusting i hate u hate u hate u i have no compassion or u anymore. i have no more compassion left for u for u have shown not to deserve it i showed u so much compssion for what??? i tried to be the bigger person to be understanding and compassion and sweet b ut what did u do? u threw it all away all u did was to hurt me so much compassion that i tried to give to u. i'm just amazed by how much a person can hurt another. i 'm tired. of being understanding and nice. i'm tired of being sweet and understanding. i dont' want my love to be trampled upon anymore.... i have so uch love to give what do i do with it?/?? I have so much love to give. what do i do with it? i want to have a man to love. it seems painful to love and be hurt. i gave love and it took it and threw away. disgust. it was a huge mistake. you were a huge mistake in my life. my huge regret. huge huge huge regret to have met u. regret that's the word. i regret having met u i hate having u in my life. it's the biggest mistake to have happened. of all the men, i hate u most u are the most failed rs. u are the one i hate most. u are the one i want to squash like an insecct i regrett meeting u the most most most. i'm so sorry to have met u. u served no purpose in my life u serve no purpose in this world u are a disgrace. the world is better off without you. what do u blame yourself for??? why? why did u end up with this guy? why the hell did i have to end up with this disgusting insect? sucking the world me and me of energy and life. why did i do it?? why did i do it why the hell di i have to do such a thing. why the hell did i have to do such a thing what's wrong with me???? what's wrong with me my biggest mistake to love a man and have him hurt me so much and treat me like shit. why did i love such a man??? i feel like i'm the stupidiest woman in the world. why did i stoop so low. so painful so painful. i can't beliee that i did such a thing i can't believe it ath i did such a thing why did i do such a thing i can't believe that i do such a thing. i . did. it. i did it. i did it to myself. sharen , i did it to myself to me. i hurt myself. i brought it upon myself.

i was so wrong in my judgement i ddon't trust myself. how can i know how ca i know a man is right for me?

i wwill not trust a man so easily anymore.

you prove your love to me...... sharen, what's the lesson to learn here.... always watch the man. dont give urlsef so easiyl watch slowly

i'm glad that i made the release. but what's the cnoclusion.

what's the new beingness that i will have to resolve this.

what was the I that i gave up that caused me to be in this situation.....

a) i wanted love and was enjoy his attenI tion TOO MUCH. so i became vulnerable. Don't be so quick to want attention. Be wary of men who come on too quick and strong. Stand your ground.Stand your ground.

I caved in... I regret caving in.. that was my mistake. i caved in.... he came on so strong..he was aggressive. I thought I could control. I did but not enough....fuck!!!! I tried!!! I tried !!!! but tit doens't wor!

i tried my best! I thought because he stayed despite my resistance, meants he was sincere. it wasn't enough.

it wasn't.

1) stand my ground 2) fight. quarrel. speak up. 3) observe slowly.

or

choose a man who is willing to let me set pace. He must at no point make me cry.

yup.

i don't have to change. but i must choose the right man for myself.

so how do i differentiate n protet myself ?

I will go slow.

always stay focussed in your life. so u will not be derailed by the guy.

dear sharen...... i still feeling beaten how can i get back up??

i need comfort sharen, i'm here to comfort u....

tell me...

how do u feel.... i feel beaten..dismayed. shitty

i'm sorry dear. sharen, i'm sorry u r hurt .... that was tough, that was hard. that was painful.

u deserve a big hug. it shouldn't happen again. can i kiss your pain away? :) i kiss ur heart. and heal it ok? kisses my dear .... lots of kisses and hugs.... kisses n hugs everywhere ....

u can heal. don't lose heart. ur heart is precious. i love u u r beautiful. u r amazing. and i want u to heal

thank u for that beautiful song....

thnk for those 2 beautiful songs .....

i will not lose heart. my heart is precious. ... i will protect it.

because i am precious. because i am priceless. because i am as precios as the diamond. as pure as the diamond. as beautiful as the diamond. as rare as the diamond. as unique as a diamond. as shiny as the diamond. i will continue to shine my light forth

as a precious woman with dignity beauty and love

so i shall be. i and he must as me as that. he sees me as that. a woman of dignity, beauty and love and purity.

i am diamond.

i am purity. i am love. i am beauty i am light i am dignity i am preciousness i am toughness. i am sublime.

he is honor he is honesty. he is integrity. he is reliability he is dependability he is sincerity he is love. he is affection he is family. he is loyalty. he is respect. he is steadfastness. he is support he is patience. he is intelligence. he is empathy.i he is space. he is sex. he is fun. he is teamworker.

this is my guy. in future, i will use this as a checklist against any guy i date. i will never date a wrong guy again.

i deserve a great guy who cherishes and respects me.

he exists. for me.

i have a lot of love to give. a man who want that love and is willing to exchange his love with my love. he is my guy.

and i wait patiently for him. if he never appears ??? u know, i rather be single and he never apppears , than try my luck with xunshe guys.

i willwait forever.

if i hv to. because i'm precious.

i am preciosness. i am patience. i am love. i am enough.