Fatigue [Friends Only Entry] Monday, June 02, 2003
Ok. I have never in my life wanted to escape from where I am more than I do now. I just wish I could run away from every one here in the Godforsaken town. There is no happiness here. None. The one person that makes me happy doesn't exactly do that for me anymore. All he wants is away from me. The only time I see him is when he needs a ride somewhere. It will be interesting to see what happens when he has a car.
I want to forget about him... and move on. However, I can't. It's sickening. It's like I don't have any control over myself. It's like I am letting him just take advantage over me any time he wants. I don't like it. I really don't. I want someone to really care about me... However, I love Keith so damn much I can't meet anyone else. I used to be able to. I would meet men all the time. Now I just run away, or stand them up. All I want is someone to love me back. However, it can't ever happen because I can't let go of Keith.
I keep on thinking.. ok some day Keith is going to see the good in me and stop being embarrased of me. But, Hell.. who am I kidding? It would have happened by now if that were the case.
Anyway.. I am off to bed. I am tired... so damn tired.
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