That's the way it goes in 2014

July 13, 2014 9:26pm

Of course things did not go nearly as bad as I thought they might. I'm always so worried about the unknown. I hate that. It's so hard to plan life when you don't know what's coming. ha! Those are probably my control issues talking, but I don't need to get into all that. =\

Driving myself out there was interesting. See, I'm always the passenger. The idea of driving doesn't really strike my fancy. I'm super spacey and easily distracted, plus I have a bad judge of distance in my walking around life. It seems dangerous to sit behind the wheel, especially for long periods of time. That and everyone else seems to really love to drive so I let them. I'm nice like that.

Anyways, I had to drive myself out there yesterday. Obviously. It was like an hour away and I had to turn onto some back roads for the last part. I've never driven on curvy back roads before, but it was kind of fun. Up until I got stuck behind a tractor. haha. That definitely slowed me down and made me slightly nervous because I'm not a big risk taker at all. I have to be absolutely sure I'm not going to die in a fiery car crash before I decide to pass. Also he had his stupid signal light on so I couldn't figure out where he was going to turn and it was making me crazy.

I passed though and all was well. Except it made me later than I wanted to be. The house was off in some weird subdivision. I wasn't even sure I was in the right place when I got there. The gps thought it would be fun to tell me I'd driven "off road" even though I was on a marked street. How sweet of her!

There were a bunch of cars so I parked in the first open spot and decided to get out and look for the house number. Found a sign and the painted numbers on the curb so I walked in that direction. A couple people walked out of their house and the guy said hi to me. I said hi back and quickly wondered if maybe that was the house and I'd missed something. haha. Just friendly I guess!

They ended up living down at the very end of a long driveway type path. I walked out there and someone opened the door before I even knocked. Thank God. Because I was already coming up with a speech in case I had to knock on the wrong house. And good thing I didn't do anything stupid as I was walking up since they were obviously looking through the window.

I ran into Kristen first thing. I haven't seen her since high school so it was really nice to find her there. After an afternoon of talking, it turns out that we have a lot in common. We have plans to keep in touch and hang out if she comes into town before the wedding. If not, we'll probably go in on a room for the wedding and maybe carpool. That'll be nice!

Lea looked wonderful, as always, and everyone was super nice and friendly. It ended up just being Kristen and I from high school/any school really. Everyone else seemed to be either related or old family friends. The part that I was worried about was that maybe she'd invited a bunch of younger people I didn't know. Young people give me anxiety, but older people I'm totally cool with. I have a streak of impressing older ladies. They think I'm all sweet and nice. [If only they knew! ;) ]

It was really awesome that Lea invited me to the Bridal Shower though. Especially with the lack of other people we grew up with. I mean I've known her since kindergarten, but we haven't kept in close contact and only seen each other in passing. I'm pretty honored that she would think to include me in everything!

So yeah, all went well. We ate, played some games [which I failed at because I've never met her boyfriend], opened presents, and ate cake. It was good times. Lea, Kristen, and I spent quite a bit of time catching up. Took some pictures that didn't come out half bad and everyone kept commenting how we looked like triplets. haha. It must be the dark hair and lighter skin, or something. It was funny the way separate people kept mentioning it whenever we were all standing around together.

It's definitely great to be in that group again. I'm getting excited about the wedding in September and just being able to celebrate the whole thing. I think it'll turn out to be tons of fun with those girls again!

All that anxiety for nothing. Funny how that always turns out to be the way and yet, I still panic every time. hah.

I left there around 2:30 and met Mom in the next town over for the anniversary party. That one was kind of lame. Most of the people they invited ended up coming several hours late. Like people were just getting there when we were already ready to leave. I was pretty bored. Not really anything like the parties I'm used to being at. But oh well. It was nice none the less and Lisa put a lot of time into the decorations, which were beautiful.

We stayed for a few hours and had dinner. Then we decided to just drive back home.

I've got to admit that on the way back, driving down the freeway with the music thumping and plenty of space to think, I found myself thinking about how I missed CK....

I haven't heard anything from him since that text while I was out of town. That was what, like, two weeks ago? Which isn't that long in terms of the way we've been communicating. But I haven't spoken to him in person since April.

I guess I did say that I was the one trying to cut ties huh? It's just sorta hard. I thought we were going to be good friends. I probably always think that about people I have slight connections with though. And I'm sure it's for the best that it's all working out this way. I kept telling myself to let it play out and just go with it. If this is where it leads then that's fine. It'll all turn out the way it's supposed to.

I'll just sit here and resist the urge to send him random text messages. And at least I made it through work last week without thinking that every single loud truck was his. I mean, I had the thoughts a couple times, but nothing like before. You know it's all his fault for getting me used to the near constant office visits though! I had nothing to do with that. I'm just the one that has to deal with the aftermath of nothing. =| Oh well. Such is life.

Internet things have distracted me for a while and it's time for bed now. I was re-reading old [yet to be posted anywhere] entries last night and I remember all that talk I did about wanting to take advantage of every minute of my break. I've done pretty well so far with all the traveling and what not, but there should be more. My garden project failed miserably, but I'm sure I'll come up with something else.

There are moments where I wish I could bottle up this feeling of motivation and happy life and open it later when all I want to do is sit in bed and watch TV. I have to find a way to stay motivated and looking forward to a better life. It's so easy to get complacent and procrastinate. The idea of this wedding in a couple months has definitely had me thinking about getting healthier. It would be nice to glow on the outside the same way I've recently been learning to glow inside. :-)

Right. Bed time. Going now.

rose. 11:15pm