All the anxiety in 2014

July 11, 2014 8:38pm

So, I'm still kind of tired from the trip. It's always hard to recuperate from the constant social interaction and non-stop action of a trip. I mean, I absolutely loved it and I would do it a hundred times a year, but it's still a little exhausting. Mostly the need to recharge part of it.

There's this Bridal Shower thing I have to attend tomorrow that is giving me total anxiety right now. Like I haven't even wanted to think about it because I get all worked up. It's not that big of a deal. Except the part that involves it being for an old friend I've known since elementary school [but haven't stayed in constant contact with] and probably several other people from high school that I haven't seen in years.

I tend to be the quiet girl that ends up sitting in a corner by herself. It's how I've always been. The listener who doesn't speak unless she's got something to add to the conversation. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with this, but I do end up feeling awkward and I feel like everyone else must think I'm awkward too. Like I've got no social skills or something. And I swear I do. I can talk and laugh for hours with the right people. I just need to find some thing important or interesting to add to the talk.

That's the hard part. What do people even do at Bridal Showers? I don't think I've ever been to one, and especially not one for a school friend. Young people and I don't always bond in the best of ways...or "girls and I" is probably a better representation of my life. I just can't seem to figure out what it is girls talk about, or do in a room together. They'll probably make me talk about make-up and pink clothes! Two things I have no idea about. heh.

We were also invited to an anniversary party tomorrow for some older friends and I've been tempted to ditch the shower and go to that instead. It sounds like it'll be more fun. I mean, at least there I can just get drunk and laugh at all the silly things those people do. I wouldn't make such a good impression if I did that at the shower. ha. But Lea has been my friend forever and I can't imagine actually missing out on any part of the festivities.

Turns out that the shower is going to be held out in the middle of nowhere. It's her cousins house but I incorrectly assumed from the address that it was in town and not in the country. Whoops. I was going to give mom a ride and drop her at the mall so she could hang for a while until I was done. Then we were going to go together to the other party. But now that can't happen. It would be like a 30 mile round-trip just to drop her off and that doesn't make sense. Neither does taking two cars to almost the same town either though. I'm not sure how we'll work this out.

Who knew I'd ever have a social calendar that would be this busy? Two parties in one day? That's the stuff of legends. ;-)

I guess I'll have to wake up early to figure things out. I'm not willing to deal with them right now due to the aforementioned anxiety it gives me. Why must I be so anti-social? This should be fun times! But oh well. I'll just wake up earlier and write out the recipe card, wrap the present, and write nice things in the card. I think I'll save my sentimental shit for the wedding, but maybe not. Depends on how I feel in the morning. And how much coffee I've had. =] It should be an interesting experience, if nothing else.

Also, I got the wedding invitation and it turns out that the wedding will be this September [they must have been planning because they just got engaged like a month or two ago]. It's going to be held in a city about 4 hrs away and I don't know what to do.

Well, apparently it's only 2 hrs and 40 minutes. That's not nearly as bad. I don't really want to spend the night out there but I don't know what their parties are like and how long they'll last. If it's late, and they have an open bar, I don't want to be driving home. ;-) But the idea of sleeping in a hotel room when I'm that close is pretty lame.

I originally thought that maybe I'd carpool with Yesenia but then I quickly realized that she'd probably take her boyfriend and that would be even more awkward than walking into this bridal shower tomorrow. I also don't know if Mom wants to go. She's known Lea as long as I have, but it seems strange. Like if she comes with me than I have to stick with her and it might be weird if it's only my friends everywhere.

That sounds selfish though. I'm sure I'll ask her after I figure out if I can take a plus+1. It didn't say on the card and I don't want to assume.

I even had the idea that it might be fun to invite someone else, but I don't really know anyone and it might be strange with the whole 'maybe spending the night' thing. I certainly don't know anyone that well!

Talking all this out has helped. Now if I can get a good nights sleep and find a way not to panic in the morning, we'll be good to go.

I'll probably drown myself in coffee and moving quickly so that I don't even have enough time to think about how shy I am. I'm also going to need to play the music really loud in the car so good thing I'll be on back roads!

In other news: I'd like to start posting back entries here soon. At least get this years' in and maybe 2013. It feels so strange to be writing and posting again though. Like I've suddenly forgotten how to do it. [and I've also become super aware of the fact that I say "like" a lot when I type. haha! (and I promise I don't really drink that much!)]

rose. 10:15pm