stop waiting in 2023

14:19

As per usual, I only have a couple minutes to spare.

I’m alone in the office and figured I could use the mental break from work. Sometimes I think about being able to do something mindless without using much of my brain capacity, but I’m not very handy either so.... shrug. That is the only downside to this job. My brain is absolutely exhausted at the end of the day, especially right now that it’s particularly busy. All of March has been busier than usual for whatever reason. It’ll be over soon though and I can stop adding to my chronically fatigued brain/body.

One of these days I need to find some information on chronic fatigue that I can share with people because no body seems to understand it when I try to describe how it feels. It just makes me seem lazy and unmotivated when in reality, some days, the thought of simply lifting my toothbrush in the morning feels like someone asking me to carry the world on my shoulders. sigh It will get better though.

I’m in the works for scheduling that double knee replacement in June. I don’t think I wrote about the last doctor’s visit, but some fears/doubts were lifted and I’m even more determined to do both at the same time. I’ll be in the hospital overnight and then spend about a week in inpatient rehab. It’s going to hurt, and I’m going to have to work really hard, but once it’s done it’s nice knowing I won’t have to do another surgery [at least for 15-20 years on average. heh]

In other news: EC and I have quite actively started looking for a house to buy. The market is insane and our options are few, but this is our next step. We need to have somewhere to land once we get married. We’re not in a big rush for it, more just browsing, but a potential opportunity is starting to present itself. The downside is that it’s out in the middle of nowhere, only cuts his commute by about 30 mins [which is the point of moving south], and increases the distance between us until I move in. Not fun things to think about.

Plus mom and I need to sit down and seriously consider what we’re going to do with the business. I don’t think I can continue it a) without her if she wants to retire, and b) with a potential hour and half commute. I can’t take it with me either since it has established boundaries.

Change is scary. Thinking about all these changes possibly happening in the next year is even scarier. But I can’t spend my whole life afraid of change. It’s not always so bad. And there’s no better time than the present. I don’t know what’s going to happen down the road. I’m guessing there will probably be a lot more twists and turns in life.

I’ve always had this feeling like I’m waiting for some thing to happen before I can start my “real life”. Don’t know why, or where it’s coming from. The truth is though that my “real life” is passing me by while I wait for this magical moment and I’m going to regret not taking the leap.

I need to start enjoying what I have now and stop worrying about every thing else.

rose.
14:55