Walking away from reading in Inner battles.

I can tell that you’ve been off for quite some time. I could tell that today you’ve been treating me differently the most. You haven’t been texting me back, you haven’t even read or opened my messages. You weren’t there when I got home from lunch. And you’re always there cause you know what time I go to lunch. I only get to see you for this short 45 minutes during my lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and every other Friday. You know how much I treasure these lunches with you. And yet today you decided to vacuum your truck and to put diesel before coming home, knowing I had lunch soon.
I started getting more and more anxious when I realized that I wasn’t going to have as much time with you. I called. Again. For the second time.. asking where you are because you said you would have been home 10-15 minutes prior, and yet you weren’t home yet.
You asked me over and over again what was wrong with me yesterday, and I kept telling you I didn’t know. So today I did some inner work and I dug deep in to myself for a couple hours, asking myself questions that I haven’t been able to ask myself or even be able to face because to me it’s a little scary. I was excited to see you, because I was able to finally answer your questions that I had no answers to yesterday, but the second you walked in the apartment you avoided me like the plague. You didn’t make any eye contact, and you kept yourself busy the whole time. From making yourself some hard boiled eggs, to making the boys some food, to packing your eggs away, to unpacking them, to putting them into the freezer, to unwrapping the amazon package that has been sitting there, to checking the freaking temperature in the apartment. Like.. come on babe. Why does it have to be like this between us? I expressed to you that I was anxious, and you keep this up? It made me even more uncomfortable. I look at you and man, I love you. But you are so freaking stubborn. So freaking stubborn.
In order for me to understand, I ask questions. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve always been. And yet, you stated that these are the moments that I need to learn to back off the most. I need to keep to myself and leave you alone for a couple weeks.
Like what? A couple weeks? That’s not normal.
I don’t think you like how I responded because I said that I would try my best to do that for now, but that I wasn’t going to enable you forever. That eventually you are going to have to learn healthier ways to go about it.
Which we both agreed on. And this led to me telling you that I wanted to read my breakthrough to you. You said I could read it to you.. but I felt like you didn’t care. That was my bad on my end because I should have read the room and the day to be honest.
I was excited. I was hoping for you to be some sort of excited for me.
BUT.. I can only control myself.
You said you are extremely overwhelmed, and that you need me to carry the weight for a little bit. So that’s what I’m going to do. Lets find ways to lift your spirits. To help you feel better again. To help you feel like yourself again.