I've Realised what it is about them (her) in Days of My Destiny

I finally found the reason why visits from L's parents are difficult for me.

I don't like them.

There, I admitted it to myself, and once I did, I realised straight away that I CAN actually handle their visits. Because now, I can pretend as best I can and not have to feel perplexed as to why I'm not enjoying their visit.

Him I can actually enjoy. He's nerdy and quirky and he laughs at his own jokes. He likes truth and nothing but the truth which means that he will always correct me when I've got one detail of a story wrong, which can get annoying, but in general I can actually HANG OUT with him and be more myself around him. It's with Her that all the trouble brews. I used to think that maybe I subconsciously was COMPETING with her, which I thought, "If that's the case, that is absolute bull, Colour, and you need to stop it." But it's totally NOT competing. It's just plain and simple - we are way too different, and even though I accept her for who she is, she doesn't accept me for who I am - therefore I can't like her.

Another thing I realised is this: she likes to piss me off.

She likes to piss me off.

Is that possible? From a 60-year-old lady who is the sweetest most innocent thing in the world with her soft voice and ever giving nature?

Hell fucking YES.

And because I know this now, I can really make sure that I deadpan the things that do actually get to me, especially when I know for sure that she's trying to get to me.

The most recent example... she looked after my dog while we were in Chile. We collected him, all was good. They came to visit and BAM, the dog is jumping up all over our legs - something he has never done before. I'd tell him "down" and he wouldn't listen. At one point I spoke to him sternly, saying, "Down! Since when are you allowed to jump up all over us? Goodness!" She walked into the room and said that she let him do that while we were in Chile. I realised I didn't tell her that he couldn't do that - because he'd never done it so I didn't expect that he would. Anyway I explained to her that it's bad "dog manners" because he could jump up on a small child one day and really frighten them. (And in my life stage right now, I'm around children a fair bit!) She didn't look convinced but I didn't care, it's MY dog and I am the one who has invested hours making sure he learns all the things I want him to learn. After I said this, she said in this "ner-ner-ner-ner-ner" kind of way and shaking her head slightly and defiantly, "Well, he did that the whole time he was at grandma's house." As if to say, "Well fuck what YOU say, he can do whatever he wants when he's at grandma's" (which is PRECISELY the attitude she has with my children - but with that I'm a bit like, what the hell, if I'm not actually THERE, then let her have that attitude, after all she IS their grandma and it's not like she does things that will completely destroy them!). I just repeated to her, "Yeah well he's not allowed to do that." And she walked out, because hey, she didn't want to hear anything more that I the Dog Owner had to say.

Another example specific to the dog... for some reason I was talking to her about the dog and I told her that when he is doing something cute and I want to show the girls, I tell them to look at "the doggy" instead of using his name, because if I say his name then he'll look up at me which means he'll stop doing the cute thing he's doing. It was an innocent remark, just a simple comment about my dog. She laughed and said, "Oh yeah, he knows." I thought she meant as in, he knows his name. She then walked up to him, patted him and said, "You're a good doggy B, you're a good doggy," and walked out of the room.

I mean isn't that just bitchy? Do you not realise that he will start associating himself with the word "Doggy" if you fucking call him that??? Why would you start calling him DOGGY when I just said that that's what I say when I DON'T want him to look at me???

Sigh.

This time they were only here for 3 days as they are doing a great big trip down south and so they stopped here on their way down. They will also stop here on their way back, for 3 days. Usually they visit for about 6 to 10 days. I've always known that by day 4, I want them gone. This time around, I was enjoying the visit more than I have in a long time. I noticed that on Day 3 though, she woke up with a completely different look in her eyes. She was searching my face as if to say, "So. Are we going to get along today?" Out of fucking nowhere, because I'd just woken up when this happened. And that is the look I have seen so many times before, and so many times it has pissed me off because why should she care? Why should she search my face? Why should she act as if anything that's changed between us is all because of me, as if I'M the one with that powerful presence? And so usually it annoys me and so all the little things annoy me too. But this time I pretended in my own head that that LOOK didn't even happen. So then I could act normal.

I wonder if perhaps by Day 3 she's ready to be back in her own home, in her own environment and routine? That is possible. That happens to my own mum. But then it begs the question: why on earth do they come for so long? If she herself can't handle it, why do they come for so long?