I feel defeated today. in life

I desperately want to talk to someone or at least cry on a sympathetic shoulder. But alas i have no time to talk at the moment and no one to cry to even if I did. My relationship has reached a point where I feel there is no future. But my boyfriend is in a bad spot and I have no idea how to break up with him and not feeling like I’m leaving him in the lurch. I know you can’t just stay with someone just to spare their feelings. (Even though many do). Part of me doesn’t want to break up with them because it means I will be alone, again. As I despaired at my current situation my mind wandered to guys I had dated in the past. The “ones that got away” so to speak. Wondering about them I did what many might to, I looked them up on social media. That, as it turns out was a bad idea. I just ended up putting salt in the wound. Most of them were now in relationships. Of course! And they are happy and fulfilled. When I do meet someone it ends up being the wrong one. All this failure has me feeling quite bitter and unlovable. And unaccomplished. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life since it started. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well, I’ve grown up and I still don’t know. I’m divorced. No kids, no career, no friends, I rent, no real passions in life. I’m 42 fucking years old and what do I have to show for it? There is a proverb that says ” fall down seven times, get up eight.” I can say I have fallen countless times in my life. And I’m still here so I obviously got back up every time. But at this point in my life it’s getting harder to get back up.