Tomorrows Never Promised... in Life in the Lost Lane...

After working in an emergency department, ive seen some pretty messed up things. I know now that i don't want to be in this kind of setting forever, i would like to get into maybe a correctional type of job. Over the last 2 1/2 years i've seen the outcome of so many people being told their loved ones have passed on and even on a couple occurrences to be in the setting of seeing the bodies. Its a very hard thing to be a part of. I had once worked in a place where people died due to cancer and not being able to kick it, every death is horrible loss, but if you're not in the setting of actually seeing the person or the family, it doesn't really effect your emotions. Once my last birthday hit i knew i was tired of this kind of life, i'm always the meek of ho hum i'll eventually find something else. But i don't know what it was i've applied at 4 places so far and i am still looking. Ive also been thinking a lot lately about marrying my fiance sooner before he himself gets out of a correctional facility. People may look at me like i'm crazy or dumb, hell my family does half the time, i dont even want to go into it with my BFF cause its her brother and they all don't get along and once i started seeing him it kinda went south for us as well, not talking as much, definitely not seeing each other.

But after witnessing everything i have and with the upcoming memorial for my nephew, i've come to the realization that tomorrow isnt promised to us, tomorrow is not a guarantee and i dont want to sit around if something happens regretting not making the choice to do what makes me happy, if that means marrying my fiance whom is in prison then i will, it has been crossing my mind so much lately its crazy. When i broach it with my mother she just shakes her head not understanding. I try to explain to her but to no avail, my grandma used to have very strong opinions of me not doing it in there but once i told her my thoughts about tomorrow not being a promised thing she didn't say anything at all, other than asking if we have heard anything at all, which no we haven't they are being difficult. I think its a ridiculous thing how the correctional systems works, their motto talks about helping the inmates out yet when it comes down to it, its more like a babysitting thing and them wanting tons of money because its a "dangerous place" seriously no, its supposed to be a tough place, my fiance laughs at the thought. Nothing like you would think of from the movies, its totally different actually. So there, there is my piece, why should i feel bad about just going and getting married, i shouldn't and i think its very wrong for others to question my happiness. If your not happy in your own life then you need to change it, do not push your shitty way of thinking into my life. I know that i want this for Love and all the right reasons. I would regret i didn't do it if something happened. Try working in my line of work and not feeling something like this. Till next time...