When you run out of tears and just feel the depression weighing you down-- 98 days until Graduation!!! in My life

We had a class speaker today from Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers, a MN organization that helps lawyers, judges, and law students with mental health issues.

I tried them before, didn’t help. This whole speech just plowed in my heart about how empty those grandiose promises are. WE CARE!! YOU CAN GET HELP ANY TIME!! NEVER GO THROUGH THIS ALONE!!

What’s worse than people not doing something is them not doing something and then bragging about doing that very thing.

I seriously need to start submitting job applications. Fake the enthusiasm. I have to do this.

Just had a cry in the library. I’m grateful for private study rooms. I’m so depressed that now I’m thinking of just signing up for that darn Math class in the summer at the community college. At least then I would have something to look forward to beginning summer. If studying for the bar becomes too much, I can just drop and call those $700 the price of a coping mechanism Even if it’s just a coping mechanism and really I have no passion in life… whatever. Then I’ll just go through coping mechanisms after coping mechanisms until the end of life. That’s all.

Why did I go to law school? I don’t share any of their values. Middle-class to upper-class white Americans. I feel so lost. At least back in grad school they were Catholic and I loved that, although they were also middle-class to upper-class white Americans. People are more liberal here, which is fine, but like. I need to find MY people. I don’t ever feel like I have ever belonged anywhere.

Maybe I need to stop wailing so much. I have tortured by husband quite enough. Maybe if I have someone to listen to me?

Alright, I have to resolve to work hard again starting tomorrow. I must numb myself.