Always putting it off… in These Days:
- Feb. 5, 2023, 8:32 p.m.
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- Public
I would consider myself a rather clean and tidy person. Moderately always on the verge of an OCD episode. . .unless I’m super depressed. When I get this way I put everything off until the last minute. I do not want to be this way because it makes me stress, so how is it I do this to myself each and every time?
I have company arriving Tuesday and I’m tidying up my apartment since they will be staying for a week. I’m organizing, doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, tossing stuff, dishes, and so on. Really, if I would’ve just done a little bit every single night a week leading up to Tuesday, I wouldn’t have had to worry about doing a single thing at the last minute—and that was also my game plan. Should I be upset with myself? Call myself lazy? Should I justify it due to my depression? Should I not be hard on myself or should I be hard on myself? Self-help books and therapists will tell you not to be upset with yourself, but understand yourself and take accountability, yet I feel upset with myself for not being as upset with myself as I probably should be. Instead I just feel anxious and panicky. This shouldn’t be so hard. I’m either depressed or lazy, or both. I shouldn’t make excuses, but I shouldn’t neglect the reasoning for my feelings either. Such a self-defeating cycle to ponder about. And if something like this drags me down and makes me feel powerless, how do I reclaim purposeful actions and just do it?
Maybe living by myself isn’t always a great thing.
Manipulator of Light ⋅ February 05, 2023
Ooo it's not that serious.. close your eyes take a deep breath and exhale. It is what it is. You will get through it. Do u have alot of stress in every day life. Negative people? Alot of people that think they are or even feel depressed actually normally have some type of narcissist in their lives. Either at work or home. So by the time we leave their presence they have already sucked all the energy from us. You need time to recharge. Learning how to set boundaries and avoid as much negativity as you can. And I'm sure you will see and feel an improvement. Hope this helps. Peace and comfort
TryingTime Manipulator of Light ⋅ February 06, 2023
Hey, thanks so much for that. =)
And you’re right! I’ll get through it. It’s just been a doozy couple of years and I have a bunch of stress coming at me from all sides at this point in time, so I feel like I need to try harder and do what’s best for me. I shut down for quite a while after (and you nailed it!) separating from a narcissist years ago. Since then I’ve been trying to build my life again and get out of bad emotional habits. The damage narcissists do surely stays with people, but therapy has helped a lot.
I don’t want to assume but it seems like you have been through it too with them. I say that because people don’t really know what a real narcissist is until they experience it. I thought for most of my life a narcissist was just someone who is superficial and relatively harmless…but nope. They’re at least in third place when compared with sociopaths and psychopaths in the cruelty department (in my opinion).
If you have been through it too I hope that the person has been long gone from your life! Your advice tells me as much, though, and that’s super awesome. =)
Have a great week ahead.
Manipulator of Light TryingTime ⋅ February 06, 2023
You ask if I have been through it... well kinda.. I'm a complicated person. Well my brain is anyways. I have a bad habit of being blunt and telling people what i know they need to hear. I am a Heyoka Empath. So I feel things from things I read. The emotions of the person that wrote it and sometimes I can even feel what they felt. It's weird at times. But I even get like that with movies and TV. I can touch some things and get feelings from them especially antiques. And I get flooded with energy from other people around me. The problem for most people I talk to Is I reflect their own energy. And it shows them who they are. I have always enjoyed helping people and im a problem solver. And I always like to think outside the box.
I tell people. What you see is what you get... hope that helps you understand how I knew what you needed and what the problem was. 😉
Manipulator of Light TryingTime ⋅ February 06, 2023
I deal with narcissists daily. Because of my sensitivity they are attracted to me. They seek me out. Because of my energy level they love being around me. But I have to run. Run away fast. Because it drains me quickly. And they like to manipulate your emotions for entertainment.. I could go on and on. A narcissist is incapable of loving anyone. Because they are incapable of loving themselves. And they are the exact opposite of an empath.
Firebabe ⋅ February 06, 2023
Ah, if you've dealt with a narcissist then this struggle makes sense. I've never dealt with one directly, but I have a couple of friends who have, and they can definitely do a number on you.
Agree with Scatterbrain above--you'd be amazed at what taking three deep breaths can do for you. Back in the dinosaur days (LOL) when I was a paramedic, one of my training officers taught me to take three deep breaths before diving into a scene to start helping someone. It can absolutely help you clear your mind, and actively think about what you need to do (if you actually need to do anything), and it helps you focus. It seems like such a simple thing, but it helps. I still use the technique to this day to speak in meetings, or to organize notes, etc.
Glad to hear that you have gotten away from the narcissist and that you are getting help to move forward. It's rough, no doubt.
TryingTime Firebabe ⋅ February 07, 2023
I will definitely keep the breathing technique in mind. Thank you. I often try to meditate before bed every night, but definitely that’s not so practical during the work day.
Also, wow! I truly commend you for working as a paramedic. I have a soft place in my heart for first responders. I bet you have so many stories of all types. I cannot imagine that was an easy job. I appreciate you sharing. Thanks so much. And indeed! At first scent of a narcissist, I just run, lol. May you never come across those people! I wouldn’t wish them on anyone.