God Help Me in Life As I Know It - 2022
- Jan. 27, 2023, 7:43 p.m.
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- Public
I am not meant to be a caregiver. I just dont have the patience anymore. When I was first starting out after high school I was a nurses aide on an Alzheimer’s floor in a nursing home. Went to LPN school and decided that wasn’t for me and got my degree as a medical assistant to do phlebotomy.
But this. Taking care of my 80 year old father in law whose dementia is worse by the day. And when he is lucid does nothing but bitch and moan about how miserable he is or he calls old friends and relatives to say goodbye as if hes on his deathbed.
Its a fucking merry go round of emotions and Im at the end of my patience. It’s been a week.
Theres so many times when I wish we had just agreed to put him in a home. Theres so many times when I wish hed just pass peacefully in his sleep. But I can’t say these things without sounding like a complete bitch.
I have total sympathy for him. I can empathize with how he’s feeling. I know he’s going through the anger phase of all of this. I know hes scared. I understand that he’s frustrated and confused.
But good God this is harder than I expected. I love him. He’s been like a 2nd dad to me. I hate seeing him like this. It hurts my heart.
Im so tired.
DE_imisseditagain ⋅ January 28, 2023
Saw your post on the home page and just wanted to offer you support. Being a caregiver is tremendously hard, even moreso when you're caring for someone with dementia. It's a full time job.
Not sure where you live, but is palliative care/home hospice an option? Both are excellent programs that can help regulate and manage your FIL's symptoms with medication and offer additional support to you and you family. Nursing visits, home health aides, social work, community services... If he qualifies for hospice, it's all covered under medicare. And if your FIL is a veteran, he can get additional benefits.
Just wanted to share with you in case you hit the wall and need some help. Good luck to you, you're doing a great job!
Always Laughing ⋅ January 29, 2023
I am not cut out to be a caregiver either I totally understand how you feel, hugs..