The End in 2014

Well, things are completely different than they were last entry. Things often change since I take so long between entries, but this is more differenter. Er.

By the beginning of August I will have moved from Medford to Portland. Flanked by my friend Chris and his girlfriend, both of whom I've gotten to know a lot better the last several months. He and I are transferring to the CSL opening up in Hillsboro, a suburb of Portland. We're also aiming to make something happen with music. I'm making some progress on bass, though if I jam with him I will most likely switch to drums and learn that. It's certainly not ideal, but it's what I need. I need to be pushed to be better and step out of the comfortable and completely tolerant place I reside in now.

There is fear and trepidation when I think about leaving, and that's all the more reason to leave. I was never supposed to end up where I am. It just wasn't in the plans. Ultimately I can't truly say I regret it, since I've met tons of awesome people. Maybe it was necessary, I needed to grow as a person to where I am now before I could work on accomplishing my goals. Well, I'm better now, and getting older. There's no more time to enjoy such a simple existence. I'm tired of being single, poor, and unfulfilled.

I still intend to go back to school, but that'll have to wait until spring most likely. I certainly have to work full-time at first, and I ideally want to work part-time to go to school full-time.

There are a lot of things I could do here if I stayed. I think about that, the myriad possibilities laid out before me. However, by leaving and preventing those things from ever existing, I create many new doors I can not yet see. Hopefully one of them will lead me to where I desire to go. Most people I've talked to seem excited, some of those I know best think it's a bad idea. It probably is. Then again, those people wouldn't think of me as someone actually willing to move to Portland to make music. All along, people haven't believed in me. It's hard to blame them, after all this time I have nothing to prove that I will succeed and am not delusional or something. Still, I believe in myself, and that is enough.

The next month will be spent finishing up my time at my rapidly deteriorating workplace and tying up as many loose ends as I can. We have a tentative place we can move into, but it's more expensive than what we wanted, so we may make another trip up to Portland to scout places. It still hasn't completely hit me that I'm leaving soon. It reminds me of when I moved from my hometown in Michigan six years ago. I've moved since then, but there was no going back from that, and there's no going back from this. There's no need to go back, the only direction worth heading is forward.