Learning To Hate Keith [Friends Only Entry] Monday, November 11, 2002
Keith text messaged me today. That’s what he does when he doesn’t want to talk to me, but wants me to think that he is thinking about me. Sure I assume all of that, but how can it not be true? If he wanted to talk to me he would have called. I text messaged him on Saturday saying, “Call me, please.” It’s now midnight on Sunday and he still hasn’t called. At least I know that if I ever needed him, he wouldn’t be there. Good thing, I don’t need him.
I have to give up on him again. This time I’ll give it my all. If he calls me again, I must refuse the call. I must use my whole power to not answer the phone. Maybe all of you that read this entry can say a prayer that I don’t answer the phone. Heck, maybe he won’t call me anymore. God, that would kill me too. The best thing that could happen would be him calling me and telling me everything that I want to hear. He could say, "I am sorry for leading you on. I am sorry that I didn't think about your feelings. I am sorry I just keep hurting you over and over. I am sorry that I can't love you. Then the song "this woman's work" would come on and h would kiss me and hold me and let me cry into his big strong arms. Then that would end and I would just start screaming at him...
"Damn you Keith! Damn you for being everything I wanted in someone, then turning into this NIGGER." I know that sounds horrible, but damn... I have never called anyone that, but that's how I feel. The man won't tell me the truth if he had to.
"Oh I still care about you." he said. BULLSHIT.
WHERE'S THE CARE, KEITH!?
Please, God. Help me walk away from him. And let me cry. It'd make me feel a shit load better.
Ok.. one more entry then I go to bed.
Her
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getting deeper 12/10/2002 11:36:42 PM
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