Keith...Keith...Keith... Thursday, October 31, 2002
I met him about two years ago. I haven't stopped thinking about him for 2 years straight. It's amazing really. I don't understand why I can't hate him. I definately should. He treats me like his whore. Yet, I can't stop LOVING him.
He used to treat me so well. He'd do anything for me. He's not like that anymore. I did him wrong, and now I will never be able to be with him. He didn't exactly treat me completely good either though. The only difference is that I can not let him go. Trust me, I have tried.
I never truly understood unconditional love until I met him. If he treated everyone the way he treats me now, he would have no friends. Yet, I can't help obsessively thinking about him. All it takes is one night of seeing him, or hearing his voice on the phone, and I am forgiving him for the way he treats me. He never calls when he says he will. He never answers the phone when I call him. He never follows through on his promises. As a matter of fact he doesn't even talk to me except an occasional, "Uh huh... Are you sure? and Inga". (Inga is Shona for "Oh.") He doesn't kiss me. He doesn't hold me. He doesn't even go into public with me ever. So why do I still love him? Unconditional love, I tell you. That's the answer. If you would have witnessed him and I the last time we were together, you would say, "Run away from him!" However, all I can see is that he spent time with me and that's all that matters.
Ok, don't get me wrong. I am not completely crazy. (only about 90% crazy) I am moving and not telling him where I live. I figure if I can just hide from him for a few months maybe, just maybe, I can move on with out him. It's my only choice. What will he care anyway? He hasn't called in 2 days. Why should he? He's got other people to make happy. He doesn't have time to call me except 1 or 2 times a week. Depending on how needy he gets.
So, I will sit here in my empty apartment hating myself for not being strong enough to let go. I am not sure when I got so weak, but there is no sign of losing my weakness.
Someday I will hate you, Keith. I pray it's soon. I hate wasting my love on someone that can't love me back.
Her
Leave a Note
I will do my best to get you some warm weather for moving but like I said so far it has been strange because I don't do anything just say I will send it.
So, I will send it.
Let me know how it goes?
blessings
LovelyMoon [LovelyMoon]
11/1/2002 9:07:00 AM
Sounds about like the average man! Funny how you sound so surprised about it all. Either do or dont. Shit or get off the pot. He he. Then again some hot nasty sex with no strings attached can be a good thing once in a while. So enjoy what ya can when ya can, cause the grass is always greener on the othere side! [Lonesome Love] 11/1/2002 12:56:26 PM
eww joe 12/10/2002 11:24:40 PM
It only took 1 year and 4 months later... Shannon [Never again i vetem] 3/24/2004 11:37:14 PM
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