13th Nojovember. I’m late, I’m late! in Hot town, summery in the city - 2017

Well Howdie doodie good people of PB land. It’s dark, I’m in bed. R is sleeping beside me and one of the cats is by my feet. I seem to like these moments and am willing to give up sleep for them. I think it’s because it’s some of the only peace I get.

I absolutely love spending time with my kids but eldest gets up at a similar time to me and both go to bed at a similar time to me so I get none of that space I got when they were younger and had a proper bedtime, tuck them in and switch off the light kinda thing.

So I lie in the dark, sometimes I count the sounds I can hear. Right now…
* Amba purring

• R’s heavy sleep breathing

• my hand moving over the duvet and my nail clicking the phone screen

• my tummy gurgling

• distant cars on the dual carriageway that borders our estate

• gulls

• the early morning arrival of planes heading from North America to Europe

This came out of a need for mindfulness. I have a mild form of long covid. I have a friend who uses a wheelchair two years after contracting it and I’m nowhere near that extreme but I feel too tired too easily. On a recent visit to my physio (who is incredibly intelligent and always reading up new medical info) we talked about the link between stress and long covid. We had both articles about the link between raised cortisol in people with the condition. Earlier in the summer I visited Bournemouth for a long weekend on my own where everything was on my terms and my needs were the only ones I had to meet. When i arrived on Friday I could only just walk to the beach and back (hardly any distance) I was so tired but by Sunday I was able to walk all the way down the beach to Sandbanks and back, with a lot of breaks. I then began on c25k over the summer. But recently the exhaustion has begun seeping back. Obviously I can’t go for long weekends away every week so we discussed mindfulness and meditation.

Let’s see how it goes!

Last updated November 13, 2022