M - My husband. We met in 2006, started dating in 2007, and married in 2014. He is the least complicated part of my life. He’s incredible. I never knew marriage could be this good.
Red - My life wife! An acquaintance from high school, while we travelled in adjacent friend groups, we weren’t friends (we banged a lot of the same dudes, and her best friend was my first girlfriend). But we kept running into each other, and then social media happened and we kept in touch a little more, and then I moved to the province she lived in, and I extrovertedly insinuated my way into her introverted life and friend group, and the rest is history. We are opposite sides of the same coin. And while I’ve been struggling to do our friendship justice since just before the pandemic, she is worth the effort.
CK - My work wife, who I met when we were still in the same trade. We worked together for a year or so between 2020 and 2021 at a terrible unit that broke both of us, and she recently moved to Alberta. Red initially resisted me calling her my wife, until she met her. I love her. She’s good people.
Bastet - A friend from a different life. We met through a mutual friend (her bf at the time), and got on like gangbusters. We had an intense friendship that became love, which became a problem when I told her she shouldn’t marry her bf and she couldn’t handle her feelings (her words), so we stopped talking. We lost touch completely, no social media, no email, no phone number, just gone. A few years later she happened to be somewhere M was - which is a whole story in itself considering she lived across the country and other weird “fate*-like factors - and through him we reconnected. We’ve been sexually involved with each other - the three of us - at different times over the course of our friendship and love and romance. She’s a beautiful soul. And I love the fact that I am responsible for her sexual awakening.
The Muppet - Seriously, the human embodiment of all that is good and pure about the Muppets. And he has floofy hair that makes him even look like one. A friend since high school, everyone thought we were together, but we weren’t. There was some seriously repressed sexual tension, but we’ve never been together. We love each other deeply and fiercely despite time and distance and completely different lives. I could not speak to him for the rest of my life and that wouldn’t change the place he has in my heart.
The Odd Lady, The Odd Fellow, The Odd Couple - The Odd Lady and I have been friends since we were 15. In high school it was often insinuated that we were a couple. And then one day, while waiting to play a prank on her brother, we ended up making out while hiding in a cabinet. She met The Odd Fellow in 2000, they worked together, and together they make The Odd Couple. So called because they’ve been together forever, they were engaged, they had a date set, but they never went through with the wedding, and that was 13 years ago.
AB - My father’s sister, who died in 2014, 10 years after my Dad. She was a quick witted spinster who treated us like her kids. I lived with her in University. We butted heads a lot, but she was always there when I needed her. Especially in the Shilo days. Losing her was like losing Dad all over again.
Janeane - A friend from University who I dated briefly but clearly still carry a torch for. We have weirdly parallel but also wildly different lives and our connection seems to transcend space and time.
The Golden Child - The eldest cousin of our generation. Gran’s favourite. Was a total asshole in our youth. I have harboured negative feelings for years.
Church Lady - A local friend I’ve fallen out with after the drama of the pandemic… She’s a knitter, was part of our book clubs pre-2019, and sings (beautifully) in a church choir.
LD - A low key famous Canadian, once on a very popular TV show, is also notable for her role as complainant in a high profile sexual assault case. Also happens to be in the CAF. I respect her immensely. I also house sat for her and cuddled her cat a whole lot.
Bird Guy - A friend from high school who has become one of the people I talk to most. We text almost every day. My feelings for him made me realize that my poly tendencies could not be stifled, which lead to me talking to M about it, back in 2018. He’s gotten me through a lot of rough times, and I think I’ve helped him a bit too. We both have kinky ideologies, so we talk about kink a fair bit.
Plant Aunt - An older woman I met on a local Facebook plant group. She bought some plants from me, and then me from her. She invited me over. We’ve had lunches and coffees and we meet up at the plant store that is in between our respective homes. I found out the first time I went to her house that she has daughters younger than me, and that her husband had recently passed. She felt so comfortable to me. It took me a while to figure out that she has a similar energy, or fills a similar role that my aunt, AB, dad’s sister, did before she passed in 2014. Hence, Plant Aunt.
The Mage - A friend turned mentor who I met way back in the MB days. She’s sharp and determined and perpetually single, which I believe is because she’s sharp and determined. She has been an incredible support since I joined. We both can’t wait until our respective postings bring us closer together. Maybe next year.
Lilly - the youngest of our crafting group, also a former employee of Reds. So-called because she’s a sad but rad death positive marshmallow, and I thought the beauty and fragility of a flower, which happens to symbolize death, really suits her. And this is neither here nor there, but I think she is the first self-identified asexual person I have met. She evokes a strong maternal/protective vibe in me.
Mandy - another member of our crafting group. Also a former employee of Reds. We’re very similar. We’ve even married the same man, it seems. I’d love to spend more time with her but her mental health is unstable so she disappears a lot.
Ally - She and I were in the same post-grad research program, the one that I dropped out of by getting on a train to Montreal instead of rewriting an exam I’d failed. At first she made a greater effort to befriend me, but after 18 years (!?! WTF???) we still see each other regularly when we’re in each other’s neck of the woods. She’s kind and smart and inspires me to be a better person, and also encourages me to be me.
The Tatter - the sole guy of our craft club. So named because he does tatting.
Katia - our financial planner since 2014.
Last updated January 16, 2024