Pun Routine- Final in The Creative Stuff- Feedback is welcome

Okay guys- tell me what you think!

One thing no one ever tells you about adulting is how many jobs you’ll blow through.

Adulting sucks dick. It can be really hard to swallow.

I once took a job in a bakery because I kneaded some dough, but I couldn’t rise to the occasion and it just fell flat.

Then for awhile I was interested in Photography, but due to a double exposure in the dark room, it was over in a flash.

Or maybe it was a flash in the dark room and I was exposed?

Either way, nothing ever developed

I thought maybe I’d be a good telemarketer, but I soon found out it was not my calling.

But one day…. One day, I had a vision.

I saw myself as a fortune teller.

I figure, if we live in a world where cauliflower can act like pizza crust then I can act like I know my way around some crystal balls.

My first call was a plumber who was really down in the dumps. He felt like he was flushing his life down the toilet and just couldn’t deal with any more shit.

He wanted to be a brain surgeon, but he didn’t know if he could make the cut. He wanted to get to the top but didn’t see any other pathology to getting a head.

I had to tell him that when it came to a career in medicine, he had no shot.

He said, but what if I just grit my teeth and push really, really hard?

I said, Relax. It’s nothing worth losing your mind over.

Then I spoke to someone who asked, Do you see me getting arrested today?

I said, No! You’re not getting arrested today.

Then I heard, Okay guys- bank robbery is a GO!

They hung up before I could tell them tomorrow is a completely different story, but whatever.

Oops.

After that, I spoke to a woman who wasn’t sure about a guy she met. He asked, what’s your sign?

She said, Slow down.

He said, why? Are there dangerous curves ahead?

She said, Stop. Make a U-turn.

He said, Oh relax. It’s not like I’m trying to see Uranus.

I told her to proceed with caution, there’s a rough road ahead.

She agreed that it could’ve only gone one way.

After we hung up, I decided maybe fortune telling just wasn’t in the cards for me.

There’s way too much pressure to be a Happy Medium.

Last updated October 15, 2022