Head Spins in These Foolish Things

Here are some bullets since my mind has been jumbled a bit lately:

• Holy schnit, did I get tooooo caffeinated yesterday or what? Now that I’m over the Covid bivalent booster, I went to brunch yesterday and asked for a decaf coffee. Well, they didn’t have decaf and I’d been letting myself get one caffeinated coffee here and there for the last couple of weeks. It’s been helping me feel more clear-headed I guess (until that frigging booster). So yesterday I got ONE pretty big cup-o-coffee and tried to cut it with a bit of whole milk, but that coffee just wasn’t having it. As it turns out, I think I drank a cupful of methamphetamine. I was absolutely WIRED for the rest of the day - and not in a good way. I was literally bouncing off the walls and couldn’t concentrate. My last sip of that crack was probably noon and I did not get to sleep until literally 4am this morning. That is no exaggeration.

• And what did I accomplish during that caffeinated buzz? Not much. I did brunch, I came home and tried to give myself a cool mani - one of those two-toned jobs where you have one color on the nail and then another on the tips, kinda like a French manicure but instead of white tips, it’s color. Looks pretty jacked up, but I’m keeping this mani until it’s time to take it off because it took me so long to do. I need a tutorial. Then I watched some college football and texted this dude who is always in my DMs. We are just friends and barely flirty but I know that he has a thing for redheads. More in another bullet. Ate brunch leftovers for dinner and went for a long walk with Martini and watched a little more nonsense on TV, then brought my ipad to bed and played around with those crazy Shuffles collages for hours on end and posted a few. By the time I finally got tired, it was 4am. NO MORE CAFFEINATED COFFEE FOR ME.

• So the guy I was texting is a young-ish guy I met on the day the election was called for Pres Biden. People were partying in the streets downtown, and my neighbors and I were no exception. He was taking professional photos of the scene and we exchanged IG accounts because I wanted to see his photos and then my group left on my friend’s golf cart (yes, driving illegally downtown, but it was a grand celebration), and later he slid into my DMs and we text occasionally. Long story, but we got to a point during the pandemic where we’d text a lot and sometimes watch movies together, but separately and that kind of thing. He has a complicated family life (I found out), so we’ve kept our texting on the up-and-up, but it’s still texting.

• Which leads me to the Adam Levine text/cheating scandal. I know it’s not any big surprise that Adam Levine is a douchebag for cheating on his pregnant wife, but I have read the texts he sent to women and it brought back so many memories of the texts I found in SexyPant’s messaging apps. The texts are so juvenile and ridiculous that they’re laughable, and it just solidifies the fact that it doesn’t matter who you are - you could be a supermodel or a brilliant rocket scientist or a billionaire or a girl next door and there are men out there who are willing to throw everything away for the thrill of flirting and cheating. It’s an age-old thing, I know…believe me, I KNOW, but you’d think that with soooooo many people who’ve been caught red-handed that men (people, I guess) would figure out how to be discreet? But I guess that’s not thrilling enough. It’s like they are trying to get caught and completely embarrass themselves. It will never, ever end. There will always be scandals like this and new and improved ways to get caught. And yes, I am talking out of both sides of my mouth because I do engage in the texts that this photographer guy sends me, but I have clear boundaries with him and he’s never, EVER crossed a line. Still. I’m pretty sure he’s crossed that line with others.

• Guess another reason why I stay holed up in the Treehouse. I am soooooo alone. By choice. Yes, there are the occasional brunches and some dinners with meetup groups, and the trips out to see mom and dad, but for the most part I am alone with Martini. I’ve gotten used to it and I enjoy it so much that I almost don’t want to interrupt this status quo with a new job situation (almost, but not really). I also haven’t gotten Covid, so I guess that’s the upside to living completely alone for the last three years.

• But still, I worry that I may have completely closed up shop, if you know what I mean? Do you know that the last time anyone touched me in a sexual way was early March, 2020? Before all of this covid baloney. We are approaching three years!!! THREE YEARS! And I’m kinda okay with it? I don’t know what to say about that. I mean, yeah. I have physical needs that I take care of from time to time, but…I don’t know. Maybe I need to go out and get a happy ending massage or something. Hmmmm.

• I don’t want any drama from anyone and I feel like if I got into a dating situation there would be drama. Like, I will run at the first signs of trouble simply because I CAN NOT STAND the thought of my blood pressure rising due to some ridiculous passive-aggressive text or any inkling of an eye roll or any evidence of road rage from a person I’m dating.

• I am happy being alone.

• I am NOT happy still being unemployed. I don’t want to get into it right now. More things are cooking, but some of them would require relocation and I just can’t even think about that today. Maybe I’ll think about it tomorrow…I have a LOT to do tomorrow, but today is still Sunday. I’ll prepare for a big week of back to the grind tonight and get on it tomorrow.

• I’m back on my decaf today, so hopefully I will get a very, very good night’s sleep tonight.

Have a fantastic rest of your weekend!
GS