The Passive-Aggressive Prayer in These Foolish Things

I’ve been visiting my parents very regularly since the pandemic began. At first, we’d sit outside on the front porch, at least six feet apart every time, and chat for a while. Then I’d go do their grocery shopping. I’d bring the groceries back and we’d create a little conveyor belt-type thing: I’d place the bags of food on a TV tray table set up at the side door, dad would grab the food out of the bags and wipe them off with a wet wipe and mom would put the stuff away in the pantry or the refrigerator.

After the vaccines came out, we all felt more comfortable being together inside as long as nobody felt sick. During that time, I was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery and went through chemo so we started taking turns visiting each other as long as I was feeling ok and not recovering from surgery or chemo that week.

Now, since I’ve been fully finished with treatment and now unemployed, I’ve been able to go when timing has been good.

Over the last two years, mom and dad have both slowed down tremendously. It’s almost scary how much they’ve aged. They no longer want to come to my place - ever, or really get out that much, either.

I’ve taken to making them meals and bringing them over when it’s convenient for all of us.

They’ve also decided to make a big change and remodel part of their house so they can live in a section and my bro, SIL and my niece can move into the bigger part of their modest house. That way, they can continue to age in the comfort of their own home and always have someone there in case something happens.

It’s been almost overwhelming for them as the remodel is slow going and never perfect, and now my brother’s family has moved all of their stuff in. It’s kind of chaotic and that’s taking a toll on mom and dad.

We planned for me to come over yesterday and dad had requested that I make a soup of some kind, so I made my tortilla soup and brought over additional topping/fixings and I also made some flourless double chocolate cookies (OMG, YUM).

When I got there, my SIL was outside with my dad and they were doing something with her car. I said hello, toting my big basket of food and she came over and said, “I’m not going to hug you because I’m sick.”

She coughed and sputtered and sounded completely congested and said that my mom was also not feeling well.

Um. Excuse me?

My SIL has recently recovered from a pretty bad bout of Covid and I also know she’d been running around town before she was testing negative, so I was a little annoyed by the fact that she’s hanging out so close to my parents knowing she was sick, sneezing and coughing all over.

My dad and I went inside together and I went to the new construction part of their house to see my mom, still lying in bed, also coughing and sputtering, telling me she had a sore throat!

I asked if she’d taken a Covid test and she said no.

I also asked why she didn’t tell me that she was sick!!

She said she thought about it but decided not to tell me.

I looked at my dad and he was actually kind of annoyed at ME for being upset about the fact that everyone (except him) was sick. I told him that Covid is not over and that we need to be careful, and he responded back that I was going to have to encounter people who are sick at this point and then handed me a Covid test box so that I could help mom take a test.

I obliged and she and I went and sat down at the dining table and I helped mom take her first Covid test. Of course, when the swab went up her nose, she sneezed like fifteen times! I was like, welp…whatever this is, I’m going to get it!

I told mom and dad that I’d wait until the results of the test came in and I’ll warm up the soup and get the meal together for them, but then I’m going to leave. I just wasn’t comfortable hanging out in a closed up house while people are sick, Covid or not!

Maybe I’ve turned into a germaphobe, but I’ve ridden it out this far, I’d really like to try not to get it if I have anything to do with it.

So, we waited the 15 minutes, and mom got a negative result (but I told her to re-take the test the next day regardless), and I heated up the soup, got the table set up and the soup and fixings in bowls and got everything prepped and everyone sat down.

Dad said a blessing that included the words, “God, we’re sorry that the hands that fixed this meal won’t be sitting down to enjoy it with us…”

After he finished, I said, “Way to passive-aggressively pray about me, Dad.”

They started to eat and I apologized again that I just had to go. It was upsetting, but damn!

I left.

Is that bad? I mean, I wanted to cry that I left my parents like that, but I didn’t want to sit in a house full of sick people on purpose, even if they are my aging parents. Maybe I should have just put on an N95 mask and stuck it out?

Am I weird?

Was that wrong?

Feeling yucky (but not sick!),
GS