Wwyd? in With Mister

  • Aug. 19, 2022, 4:27 p.m.
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  • Public

My SO and I have been together for awhile now. We’ve talked multiple times about the progressive stages of moving forward. Marriage will happen eventually. One night he asked me, “What do I get from being married?”
At first I was flabbergasted and couldn’t find the words to respond. Then I thought about how I grew up with both parents in the home, parents who are still married, whereas he didn’t. As I continued to process his question, I became a bit offended. How could he not see the value of marriage? How could he possibly want to marry me and not see the significance?

What would you do in this situation? Would you move forward? Would you call it quits?

Deleted user August 19, 2022

He would have a woman he SUPPOSEDLY loves all the time. Someone to have his back. A true best friend. A great lover. Never lonely again. Someone to listen and care about him for life. If he does not know then that boy got some thinkin' to do. Another question BOTH people need to ask is not what they GET OUT OF IT BUT...WHAT CAN YOU GIVE? So much is about me me me my wants and needs. What about the OTHER person? Yes I was married and yes I have had lovers and been there.

.:.TigerLily.:. Deleted user ⋅ August 19, 2022

In a nutshell, I told him something of the same and though he expressed his desire to marry me, he doesn't know why/how a piece of paper makes a difference. Not to make excuses for him, he has only seen his parent go from marriage to marriage.. I don't know if that has an effect on his perception of marriage.

Deleted user .:.TigerLily.:. ⋅ August 19, 2022

His parents were cynical role models for him. Tragic. My parents were positive role models for me and my father as man was a few good pieces of a role model ;-) I don't believe that role models are worth shit. We all need to look at what is logical and good. Love is a positive nurturing force and not some sick ugly thing that some pervert it to be. I hope my comments have not been offensive. I was going to marry a woman couple years ago. A piece of paper split. Positives and Negatives of marriage to her. The negatives far outweighed the positives. I am at peace with not marrying her now. We have to use rational thinking even when we are in love or we will fuck ourselves for a long time. As I did ;-)

.:.TigerLily.:. Deleted user ⋅ August 19, 2022

I'm not offended in the slightest. I genuinely appreciate your perspective :)

Deleted user .:.TigerLily.:. ⋅ August 19, 2022

When I was young I married a Russian research scientist that had come to the UM in Ann Arbor to work. Someone I knew a very little asked me to help her with life in the USA. One thing led to another and we got married. I was burned out inside at the time and she was a FRIEND but no burning love. I thought marriage was a right thing to do. After 4 years she told me she had found an old boyfriend from Russia living in the USA and had an affair. She lied about why we got divorced saying it was my fault because I did not want a kid with her. SHE SAID. Which was a lie. I married wrong. Stupid and naive. 26 years ago. I no longer blame her. I blame my own naivete. She was a predator. I missed that. I believe over the years I have learned much about loving and loving relationships. TRUST is so important. TRUST. Thank you for your kindness Lily Tigress.

hippieheart August 19, 2022

I think I'd turn the question back to him and open conversation between the two of you to share what you both hope to get out of being married to each other. It's not a simple question because we all come to the table with different thoughts, ideas, wants, needs and fears. I hope you both are able to have a sincere conversation with each other. That is where growth happens. <3

Sleepy-Eyed John September 23, 2022


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