Moment of Honesty in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 3- Fallout, Pain, Acceptance, and Perseverance

So… I’ve been seeing my ex-wife a lot more lately. It’s all part of me moving away. I need her help (with a lot of stuff) and she’s going to get an extraordinarily generous payday out of it at the end of the whole process. And it’s been nice being… myself in a social way again. I know I’m not the guy that was married to her anymore… but a lot of that guy is still who I am. And I like that guy… even though there really aren’t many people I can be that guy with anymore. Almost none and getting fewer to be honest.

But it’s been nice. I mean… it has reinforced the “we were decent friends. I was sexually attracted to her, she found me an interesting guy. That’s why the marriage failed. She was interested in me but she wasn’t attracted to me or in love with me… thus the whole.... everything that happened.”

But today she stopped by the place on her way out of town. I wanted to confirm calendar items with her and make sure schedule things were understood, agreed to, and prepared for. But she was on her way out of town to meet up with some old friends from her HS days. Which I still find surprising but not entirely out of character. My ex never really made friends much but when we attended her HS reunion a few years back, she reconnected with several women and I’m glad she’s maintained those friendships. QUICK SIDE STORY FOR MY OWN EGO… at her H.S. reunion, while she was catching up with friends… I was trying to be social. It was at a small town bar and I’ve never been good with (a) small towns; or (b) bar scenes. But I was trying to chat to people. Be social. It’s a party. But the bar wasn’t “closed for event”. Another Big City Kid thing. A reunion event is typically “Reunion Members Only” but… small town. Whereas my graduating class was over 550, my ex-wife’s was more like 20. So one of the women I wound up talking to wasn’t an old classmate of my wife’s. Was in fact younger than I was. (My wife was about 4 years older than I.) But this young woman and I hit it off. We talked about her family, her small child, her work at a local law firm. Had I been a single man at the time, I might have even had a shot. Though, conversely, had I been a single man at the time none of it would have happened anyway. JUST… sharing that for my own ego.

SO my ex-wife comes over before heading back to her HomeTown to meet up with old High School friends. And she looked good. In the way that always got us into trouble. Because YES, I do see the gut and acknowledge that she isn’t as thin as she was 20 years ago. BUT UNLIKE HER I don’t maintain ridiculously unhealthy and unrealistic expectations that if we don’t perpetually look 20 that we’re somehow failing at something! In fact, the grey roots coming back through her dye job actually make her look MORE attractive I would argue. But yeah. That was something today. And she wasn’t even in “the outfit” that she was going to wear. She threw on the jewelry, combed her hair, and… that was about it. But again… when we were together… she barely showered or combed her hair for a lot of it.

So it was kind of a mixed thing. I do/can still find my ex-wife attractive. And maintain to myself the reality that she is incapable of returning that sentiment. So… we move on as we were always going to do in some way. But… yeah.
Maybe that’s something that indicates an element of my mental health. It’s always easier for me to be attracted to people I was already attracted to at some point than it is to be attracted to someone new.

Actually- that just sounds like more reinforcement for the whole “Demi” label.