Another school year in Journal 2022

In a month I have university. It feels endless, like I’m in a endless cycle and honestly I’m really scared to start school. I’m scared I’ll fail again and not be able to graduate, I hate it.

I try not think about Joseph these days. I was reading the final chapter to a web novel I love and it was like the ideal of our argument as happening. The MC’S love interest, Charlie, was talking about how they couldn’t be toghter because the MC, Simon, wasn’t independent due to his trauma.

Itz only till the end of the chapter and end of the book, does Simon voice how by saying Simon isn’t independent and assuming so much he’s taking a chance at true indepence away, that Simon wanted a relationship but by be denied and treated with certain affections it confused him.

And that he was choosing to be with Charlie in everyday possible and he was torturing him be acting like it would be to Simon’s detriment. By this point I was screaming in my hear yes Simon tell him! Because that’s like basic stuff I think was obvious. And ofcourse the story ended with Charlie realizing this and the two became a couple, a fairytale ending that made me feel kinda hollow.

I have to remind myself thats he moved on, HE DOESNT WANT YOU AND NEVER WILL AGAIN, move on because he has. It’ll be lonely having no one to talk to walking to class, waiting for the bus, etc. It’ll take some getting used to but maybe this is what is best.