Changes in Journal 2022

The baby shower for my cousin is going to be soon. I need to hurry and order another gift for her, maybe some baby books as I planned. Overall, I’m kinda excited for her but also worried due to her situation.

Now that she’s having a daughter, it’s all so strange. We are only months apart but I guess her having a kid really makes me think about how we are basically adults, we ARE adults. I still remember when she lived with us and people thought we were twins.

I don’t know, I guess I don’t feel adult. Is that weird? I mean, I still sleep with and receive stuffed animals as gifts. I asked mom about this a few times and she days I act like how teenagers acted back when she was one (early 2000s) and that I need to stop worrying about being the stereotypical 19 year old or college student.

I don’t know, I just feel worried I’m falling behind somehow. I DONT WANT A BABY BEFORE ANYONE ASKS. God no, I don’t think it’s good for me to have a kid. If you’ve read precious entries you know why but I also worry I’ll make them stay a certain weight.

Speaking of weight, I saw this girl who called me a c***n and uncle Tom’s “glow up” and I had to gasp. Here this person was insulting me and she looked like and still looks like a tub of lard, this so called bad bitch is three steps away from a intervention.

Someone who made my self esteem so low looks like that. It’s insane and idk, it didn’t make me feel confident or bigger ego wise as many may assume. I just felt pity because imagine acting like such a bitch for months on end and having thousands of “followers” and all you have have show for it is a ugly attitude and a even uglier personality. It’s just really really sad to see.

I don’t like to think that way but that’s the truth. I am in bed now and I’m just like, hmm so much has changed these past few years.

Last updated July 29, 2022