Mother's Sick Update in Writing To Escape [Open Diary Entries]

Hey all,

So Monday came around, sadly the news I expected was confirmed, my mother has lung cancer.

I called her to find out whilst at work, I only had an hour left on my shift and my manager sent me home, thankfully I have a good support system at work, about three hours later my manager called me to tell me I didn't need to go into work today. I appreciated the gesture but I went in, I may need time later on but right now there is nothing I can do with the situation so it was best for me to go in. Today was a stressful day but I managed to get through it easily enough.

Saturday I went out, decided to get to drunk with Matt and Ben to explain what was going on, they both know now what is going on, I text them yesterday regarding the diagnosis.

My mother will go for a bronchoscopy on Monday, then for the results on Thursday and the information regarding her treatment, the good news is that it is at the base of her lung, there does not appear to be heart damage from the tests performed so far which is also good. I believe from the sounds of it that the cancer has been caught early, this is encouraging but still doesn't negate the seriousness of the situation.

As for me I have people flocking around me but I've shut down the majority of my emotions and have become detached from the situation, it's a self defence mechanism, my mind does it automatically in such situations, I compartmentalise everything and move through things with logic as oppose to emotion. I don't enjoy being so close to people during grief, I'll internalise and deal with things in my own way, an unhealthy way to deal with things perhaps because it is simply suppression, but after everything I've grown up with it's the way that works for me.

I'll let my mind process all of this in the background and during my sleep and then if the worst does happens I'm still prepared for it,regardless, in any situation I'll be able to be analytical and logical so long as I can keep my mind occupied with various other things.

On a side note though it tends to make it difficult to concentrate emotions into this diary as was originally intended, damn mind of mine working overtime.

I apologise for this entry it's poorly written and I can't really be bothered to go back and correct it. I have a lot of entries to catch up on from noters and intend on doing that, however some of you write to much lol I'll get through them though.

I'll write something again soon hopefully.

Regards, G

Last updated June 12, 2014