Prosebox Feature Request in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 3- Fallout, Pain, Acceptance, and Perseverance
- June 1, 2022, 10:40 p.m.
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- Public
I know there’s an option for “Private Notes Only” but I wish there were an option for “No Private Notes.” I can’t program for crap and don’t have any idea how complicated it would be. But sometimes I really would like the feature to say, “If you leave a comment on this entry, you’re going to have to stand by it. And other people will be able to see it. And, if they choose, hold you accountable.”
TECHNICALLY, I suppose, one could do that on their own in a certain way. One could put in their entry “All Private Notes Will be Copy/Pasted into a Public Entry, This is Your Only Warning” but that just seems… shitty. Better to have the noter know before they click to send the message. And yes, a warning should act to let the noter know before they click to send the message; but I no longer have faith in people that such would be the case. An actual feature preventing them from leaving a private note; thus, they can choose not to leave the note at all… seems more fair, just, and ethical.
That being said? In some of my online spaces? I am giving SERIOUS thought to using that waiver language to start taking back some space. I feel like, in a lot of ways, one of my few safe spaces to discuss my anxieties and fears is being stolen from me by judgmental, mean spirited notes. Especially if there are pre-existing deep traumas that can massively impact healthy thoughts/living… someone treating you like shit while you’re trying to process that just… significantly alters my willingness to process that. Which is the opposite of good.
Ad Astra Per Alas Porci ⋅ June 01, 2022
Super relatable, just wrote a few similar entries about this same thing. Only my solution was just to reply to their comments with "thank your for your participation..." and number them. In the past I have questioned and broke down their comment to explain the wild projections. Or harsh assumptions based off my vague as fuck writing. Usually they block me after.
I don't know if you were ever on OpenDiary, but back then people could just leave comments with no name attached or login. Totally anon.
Felix_n00b Ad Astra Per Alas Porci ⋅ June 02, 2022
Oof! Yeah, back in my college days (around 20 years ago, wow!) I was on Open Diary and had a page similar to this where I tried to explore, articulate, and own my own anxieties and shortcomings in dating. I was frequently bullied by anonymous notes that suggested I was either "too girly" for dating or conversely "too much of a guy" in how I wrote about it. As I often say- if two people are accusing you of the exact opposite perspective... it might have more to do with where they are then what is actually going on.
Ad Astra Per Alas Porci Felix_n00b ⋅ June 02, 2022
Yeah, I’m positive it’s all projections based of the tone of comments. One entry I have has 5 sentences and it triggered someone to go on a rant at me. And Attacking me, as if I was talking about them. I didn’t know them.
I take things personally, lol. But I could never read someone’s life and make that entry or their pain about mine. I could try to relate, but not get mad at them for feeling the same. Or mad about how they deal with life.
I always have this hope that people who just treat other people kindly or respectfully. But it’s been so much worse on this site. I stopped writing longer entries and barely write much of anything at all. Mainly it’s because I only write when I’m sad and at my worst emotionally, and when someone rips on that, it sucks. I also don’t feel like I should be force or bullied to censor my emotions or pains on a journal. So maybe having them leave non private comments could help.
Deleted user ⋅ June 02, 2022
Are you getting mean notes?
Felix_n00b Deleted user ⋅ June 02, 2022
On both my diary spaces. I have one that is mostly Favorites Only that discusses my day to day and I've had such "lovely" notes from friends as, "You dress like a retarded goth. No wonder your wife hated you." and (a personal favorite) "You sound like a monster discussing your divorce! I hope your wife is happier now that she never has to deal with you!"
In this space... hell, even to this very entry, I got someone that was quick to say that I was advocating for bullying and doxing, before turning their note into a political based rant. I have been using the block feature more liberally but this idea that people feel free to be quite shitty in Private Notes because "Nobody but my target can call me out" is... immature and the worst part of online anonymity.
Pennyworth's Ghost ⋅ June 02, 2022
I find it interesting that you've already thought of a way to be proactive and give yourself this protection, but you'd rather have the site do it for you. Standing up for yourself isn't shitty, and if you're worried about violating some concept of 'fairness' to the trolls, just put a nicely-worded disclaimer at the top of every entry where you plan to enforce the rule.
One other thing that I'm going to put here, and I'm prepared to stand by it, is that I believe 'having a thick skin' is a vital life skill that everyone needs to develop. I don't mean becoming numb to all criticism and negativity, I mean learning how to process and synthesize that type of feedback in healthy ways. No matter what you try to do in life, there will always be jerks and naysayers trying to bring you down and hit you where it hurts.
If these notes were public, your average well-meaning reader would probably disagree with most of it, but also agree with some of it. Part of being human and being friends is that we choose to focus on what is great about you, and celebrate your victories. We choose not to dwell extensively on your personal weaknesses or mistakes that you've made in the past.
The two examples in your note above are certainly mean-spirited, dickish comments, but what I want you to take away from this is that we already know your marriage had issues, and some idiot choosing to hyperbolically point this out for the millionth time doesn't actually change that conversation. As a reader, I find those kinds of comments annoying, but I don't see them as damaging, and I hope you don't either.
If it's someone you care about being duplicitous then I understand why you'd be upset. Otherwise, go with the disclaimer idea. The trolls will quickly move on.
Starhawk ⋅ June 02, 2022
That's not a terrible idea - but I wonder if the current owner of PB is putting any effort into the site at all. Can't remember when I last heard of or saw a new capability.
Mamie ⋅ June 02, 2022
mean people suck