Babies & in laws… in Life Lessons
- May 27, 2022, 10:18 p.m.
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- Public
So I have touched a bit on this before but I’ve been thinking about it a lot this evening… I have always wanted to have kids - not ready now but I know I want kids.. the problem I have is with some family so with my mother and sister in law, they are complete jerks to me and only tolerate me because they want me to have kids for them… (MIL has told me she don’t care if something happens to me as long as she gets a grandbaby) thinking about them holding/being around my child just makes me so upset/anxiety… they barely talk to me now… I know they will act 100% fake if I ever have a baby and act like I’m the best and we are BFFS… it just makes me not even want kids because they will be involved…
My mom on the other hand is kind of a pill - she likes to run her mouth and if she isn’t sure of the truth she will make it up… I think she expects to be in the delivery room… (my husband doesn’t want her in there)
I also can sense that I will get crap from both moms on parenting (try to tell me I’m wrong, go behind my back)
I guess I just wonder if anyone else has this issue? Does it go away? Get better or worse?
MarBar ⋅ May 27, 2022
I have some advice for you. I know I'm just an almost senior in hs (I will be a senior in a few months) so I haven't personally experienced anything like this (yet) but I have seen how rude my grandma on my dad's side and even the rest of the family on my dad's side has been to my mom. When my older brother was a baby, he was formula fed and my dad's family would always rip him out of my mom's arms at family parties. I was a breastfed baby so my mom got to tell my dad's family that she had to feed me so they never ripped me out of my mom's arms at parties. Anyways, I just wanted to say that you shouldn't let them get to you, making you not want kids when you truly do want kids. Don't let them take your future family away from you. They've already taken too much from you. At least you would mostly only have to see the in-laws during parties, so you'll have to deal with them then but your kids and your husband would make it worth it. I'm not going to lie to you, it never went away for my mom until she divorced my dad but she only divorced my dad because he was an ass. He just sat on his ass playing video games all the time, drinking a bunch of beers. However, she did manage to get close to a couple of my dad's family members (sadly it wasn't the in-law) so there is a chance. If I were in your shoes, I would kill the in-laws with kindness to show them that they don't get to me. Hopefully something will hit them that makes them grow into a better person. I hope this helps. I wish you luck.
CountryGirl MarBar ⋅ May 28, 2022
I appreciate the advice from the other point of view! It’s just really hard for me to come terms that they will be in my child’s life when they refuse to talk to me…
MarBar CountryGirl ⋅ May 28, 2022
No problem. Yeah, it would be hard especially since they're people that are supposed to be supporting you / boosting you up. I'm sorry to hear that. Another thing my mom had to deal with was her own mom putting her sisters against her so my mom and her sisters would argue all the time because of their own mom. It was really sad, but my mom and ONE of her two sisters realized that it was their own mom putting them against one another, feeding them with lies about one another so my mom and that ONE sister are finally close now. They actually went out together today. Anyways, what I was getting at was that perhaps your mother-in-law is feeding your sister-in-law with lies about you? If so, that would mean that there is a chance your sister in-law could realize it and become close with you.
CountryGirl MarBar ⋅ May 28, 2022
Yeah I totally understand that… I have plenty of issues with my own mom too… yes I’m sure MIL and SIL are feeding each other lies.. but my SIL is a backstabbing jerk on her own… learned that the hard way…
MarBar CountryGirl ⋅ May 29, 2022
I'm sorry to hear that.