Today I had sex 4 times, roasted a chicken, and parallel parked.
Kenny and I went out for dinner at a nice restaurant last night, and then he spent the night here. We had a lot of fun. In the morning I made eggs and sausage, and we had blue berries.
For lunch I roasted a chicken. Perfectly. We also had salad and vegetables. As much as possible, I try to accommodate his diet while he's here. It isn't that hard-- just meat and vegetables. He's lost nearly 40 pounds now. Now I can have my head near his cock-- and he can see me. This was not the case, saw 6 months ago.
Then he drove me back to my car, which I'd left at work, and then I drove to the city. Dustin had invited me to a birthday party of sorts-- just hanging out and drinking in bars. They were actually very nice bars. The first one had an indoor mini golf course, that was very steam punk. It was way more fun than I thought it would be. There were two groups, and Dustin notably opted to be in mine. I downed a glass of Anthem cider (I love that stuff!) and a piece of pizza, and joined the game. I actually came in second place! Go figure.
The second bar was more just mellow and dark and lots of dark wood and sitting around talking. Chantae told me that her opener, her ice breaker at parties used to be just asking, "So how's your sex life?" She found it yielded a more interesting conversation in college than "What's your major?" I like Chantae.
I was kind of about to go, and had one more small conversation with Dustin. He blurted out that he isn't up to having sex with me these days, because it would be complicated for * him.* There were definite italics when he said it. He also said that he would always tell me to come whenever I asked him, though, because if there is someone who could be having an orgasm and isn't, they might as well. He was speaking very quickly, and with more words than usual, and I was kind of just surprised at how many words he was actually saying. He gave me several very good hugs, and I smiled and laughed and nonchalantly said that we should make out some time.
The reason why we stopped having sex before was because things were complicated for me. Mainly, I was feeling very strongly about him and didn't know what to do with myself. Now he's saying that things would be complicated for him? It isn't as though he's gone monogamous.
At some point, I would like him to know that the best sex I've ever had was with him. That part of why I was so sad when we stopped was I was gloomy that the best sex of my life had happened with me so young. That the 29th of September, being on his leash, was the happiest day I've ever had.
Hmm. If he showed up on my doorstep, in a suit, with flowers, professing his love for me.... I'd wonder who he was and what happened to the real Dustin. Maybe an email:
Dear Karen,
I can't stop thinking about you. I know you're going through a lot of stress right now, and I'm sorry I haven't been as responsive as a friend as I could have been. Truthfully, I've been scared that I would say the wrong thing. I know you have Kenny and other friends, but I miss being closer to you. I miss our evenings together, talking. Simply telling you my day and hearing about yours makes me feel good.
I've thought of you often in these last months. It actually hurt really badly when we stopped seeing each other. You mean a lot to me, and I treasure being close to you. I am so sorry that you were in so much pain. I never, never wanted you to be sad. You had told me that the only way for you to feel better was to not be around me, even though it seemed very counter-intuitive at the time. So, I stayed away. I didn't want to, though.
We've been so close. We've had so much fun. I enjoy your company and I love making you feel good. The way you look at me just melts my heart. Thank you for being so vulnerable with me.
What I'm struggling with now is how to act around you. I still have very strong feelings for you, but I don't want to get in your way and I worry about hurting you again. I guess I'm just writing this so that you'll know how much I truly care about you, Karen. You are very important to me, and I am glad we are friends. I enjoyed dominating you and would again in a heartbeat if it were possible to be a healthy thing for you. I have missed your kisses and your sweet mouth.
Just know that I'm here if you need me-- if you need someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, or even someone to kiss you. I'm here for you.
Dustin
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