International Homebirth Day in A Life Uncommon

(cross posted from the blog over at www.FantasticFrugalFamily.com)

I’m sitting here sipping on my coffee, listening to the trio of kids wrestle and laugh in the room beside me. It’s summer break here, and lots of excitement has been buzzing around. I really love hearing the way they all get along so well. It makes my heart swell, knowing they are bonding as siblings in a way that will cement them together for life. As a mom, not many other things matter to me.

I opened my emails today and was greeted with announcement after announcement of it being International Homebirth Day. I thought I’d celebrate with a personal blog post, sharing the link to my own frank breech homebirth story ( http://fantasticfrugalfamily.com/the-story-of-gavin/ ), and my own reflections as I look back.

Let me start by saying that homebirth was the most powerful, empowering, and incredible thing I’ve ever done with my whole life. It was not a decision I made lightly, or without support. And yes, many people around me were against my decision because of fear and unknowns. But again, it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Upon discovering I was pregnant again following Joshua, Jack and I reflected on Joshua’s (fast, drug free, but horrific) birth. The staff did not make me feel welcome, safe, or protected. I was not built up, there were no words of encouragement, and at one point in transition I was held firmly down onto the table as a nurse blew my vein once, twice, four or five times in an attempt to get an IV into me. She shouted for me to hold still. Anyone who has ever experienced labor, and particularly transition, can understand that what she was asking of me was practically impossible. My son was sliding into position and heading into my birth canal, I was lost in the strength of it all, and she shouted that I was not behaving. NOT BEHAVING?! I am BIRTHING A BABY. I am behaving exactly as my body says I should.

She also hid in the equipment closet, coughing all over everything, and screaming through the door that I should not push with my urges. Screaming. At a laboring woman. I just…can’t even believe all of that.

In addition, I felt as though I were on display, and violated. My family was allowed to parade in and out without consent of myself, when all I wanted to do was nap and cuddle my brand new baby. Instead I was poked, prodded, and had an endless stream of visitors.

Needless to say, Jack and I both agreed that our local hospital was not a place I wanted to birth at again. We took some time to discuss things before I approached the idea of homebirth. We are “natural” in our lifestyles, as evidenced by the various farm animals, cloth diapers, gardening, and even household products we use. I believe that birth is a private and spiritual. I believe that labor is carnal and individual. And I believe there are no rules. I discovered a midwife that was local, and we jumped in with both feet.

Jack was reserved right up until the birth, but he never wavered in his support. I must emphasize that homebirth is something that should never be taken lightly. Please research, know the stats and facts. Please surround yourself with support and love. I think a homebirth would be impossible if I did not have the support I did, the belief in myself for when I felt discouraged.

I connected with my midwife and trusted her implicitly to help escort my baby into this world. We have a bond now that no other person reaches. It’s amazing, just amazing to me.

The birth itself was a very rapid experience, and one that I am still impressed with nearly two years later. I was laughing and talking right up through transition, right up until I felt the need to disappear into my “lair” in the bedroom. In the months leading up to birth I read a lot of homebirth stories and tried to prep myself with the many variations of labor and birth. I wanted to be prepared and know how to handle the overwhelming intensity that labor can become. I practiced relaxation and internalizing strength a lot, and these things helped me.

When the intensity increased and I went up to my bedroom, I started envisioning the contractions as waves of strength. I started repeating to myself that every single wave was pushing my baby closer to me, and that these people around me loved me, and were helping me. I was so calm, and so centered. I never really shouted, unlike my last two births. In fact, all four other children in the house slept right through the events of that night, waking with surprise to find me and a baby. I never felt the need to shout, even when I was discouraged and tired. I was so lost in myself and that moment that shouting seemed like wasted energy.

The high that happened after Gavin was born was incredible. I felt so strong! So powerful! So amazing! I kissed his hands and marveled over the power of my own body as well as his. I did it, I did what doctors have been making women believe they could not do for decades. I birthed a healthy baby boy at home, and then instead of laying in an uncomfortable hospital bed being woken every other hour, I drifted off to sleep in my own bed while my midwife quietly tended to cleanup and post-birth care. Jack and I snuggled with our beautiful newborn in our own bed – I cannot say what this meant to us!

I am so lucky to have found the midwife I did. She was so soft, caring, and believing. She pushed encouragement through me in the hardest of moments, and truly knew I could make it through. She filled me with strength when I was empty, and for that I am so grateful.

Homebirth was an amazing journey for me, and one I have since researched and supported. I believe every woman has the right to choose how to labor and birth. I believe every woman’s body knows intrinsically what to do, and deserves the chance to try. I believe that if the mother wants a private, quiet experience, she should be allowed that. I believe that human rights should be respected in a spiritual time where another life enters this world. I believe removing the right to birth at home is an insult and harmful to society. I believe in women. I believe in families.

I believe in homebirth.