You Guessed It. in These Foolish Things
- April 29, 2022, 12:27 p.m.
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- Public
The saga continues.
The Cutie Pie company’s young owner came back today with flowery compliments and offered me the $20K more I was asking for.
Why I didn’t just tell her NO, I’m not sure. I think it was just a weird reaction to getting what I asked for and yet, it still doesn’t feel right to me, but it didn’t feel right to say no right away since it does feel a little bit like I got “what I wanted”. So she gave me the weekend to think about it.
And then I will say no.
Meanwhile, today I had a conversation with the president of The Serious Company (named so because they produce more components to the end product and is less fashionable), and got a little bit of the same thing - you’re going to have to prove yourself - simply because I don’t have direct experience with the actual product.
Y’all. I’m so tired of this having to prove myself. I have THIRTY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE, but maybe not in direct connection with these companies’ products.
Interestingly, it seems that when I call their bluffs I get what I ask for, though that’s only happened once so far.
At this point in time, I’d much rather work for The Serious Company than The Cutie Pie company, but we’ll see what the president comes back with after he’s talked with my potential boss (I think?) again.
Once again, we can do hard things…but shouldn’t this all be a bit easier???
At least I have the weekend to think.
Happy Friday,
GS
simple mind ⋅ April 29, 2022
"Proving yourself" is just a normal part of any new job, shouldn't be relevant to salary negotiations if you have the related experience.
A coworker I'm friends with left the company so we had to hire a replacement, and new guy is NOT working out at all. Not because of of his main skill set but because the guy REFUSES. TO. COMMUNICATE. Not sure how we managed to miss such a big red flag during the interview, but I hope he decides to leave of his own accord otherwise I fear we are stuck with him until we are better staffed. Anyway, long story short, there's a lot of factors involved in proving one's self, and fear of someone new not being able to adapt to specifics of the company should be pretty low on the list of concerns.
bobbi01 ⋅ April 29, 2022
Negotiating is really hard. You need to keep repeating this "I am worth it"
CharminglyNeurotic ⋅ April 29, 2022
A company also needs to prove itself to you.
I really think you should go in-depth into an explanation about why you are turning the job down - so they can use it constructively to attract good candidates in the future. Tell them the no lunch was a big red flag and mis-step. Also the other "mean girl" vibes (obvs say it professionally and in a more palatable way.) They should WANT employees who have good constructive criticism and who want to work to make the company environment productive and enjoyable.
Florentine ⋅ April 29, 2022
I know Cutie Pie company is mostly women, but honestly… could you imagine ANY company telling a man with 30 years of experience during the interview process that they have to “prove themselves” worthy of a salary that is less than their base salary? Seriously, that is some majorly disrespectful bullshit. Companies need to stop treating potential employees like they are toddlers who need to behave before they’re rewarded with the basic respect of a compensation package they can live on/retire with.
plushcreep ⋅ April 29, 2022
The plot thickens indeed! I don't know. If they're willing to cough up another $20K, maybe you can get stock options and whatnot. I wouldn't be so quick to turn this down.
Ginger Snap plushcreep ⋅ April 30, 2022
No. They coughed up $20K because they are desperate - the other benies did not get better - no stock options and no 401(k) because they don't have one.
colder ⋅ April 30, 2022 (edited April 30, 2022)
Edited
I got almost the same thing from the place where I now work. I have beaucoup experience doing this stuff, but they made me a lame offer at first because I didn't have experience doing one specific thing even though I have deep experience doing 10 related things.
I read some stuff online that said "tell them everything you really want and say "If you offered XYZ, I would accept right away" as a last tactic and it actually did work in my case. But our worlds are different in that the benefits and such are pretty standard in my line of work, you're really only debating salary and title.
But in the end, I'm glad I told them "nah you're gonna have to do a lot better than that" instead of just declining because it worked out well in the end for me. Hope it does for you too. I'm sure you will be great wherever you go!
echopod ⋅ April 30, 2022
I think women get the “prove yourself” much more than men ever do, and it makes me so angry. Having to prove yourself, and then never being quite good enough for the salary/title/whatever is dangled over your head happens often, where men tend to get those things from the get go and have to do a lot to prove themselves unworthy. It’s happened to me a lot, since my first job when they paid me practically nothing an I’ve had to work up from there. My last job was the first one that didn’t ask me what I had been making previously, thankfully.
Ginger Snap echopod ⋅ April 30, 2022
This! This exactly. This is what they do because I experienced this at my last job. I had a recruiter do the salary negotiations for me and then the guy who hired me was let go and I was assigned to someone for whom I could do no right. He told me at EVERY review that I made too much money because he HATED working with women! I think if I took the job for more money, they'd always, always hang it over my head and I'd be under a microscope the whole time. Gross.