I'm only 26 and I feel so old in Riverdale

I'm 26 and I feel old

Naw I don't feel old because I can't party like I used to

Or because I can rent a car,buy booze,cigarettes,gamble or realize that most people have at least finnished university and are working on their masters.

Or my body can't metabolize alcohol anymore.

I feel old because even people my age are still disillusioned by money success, fame, material things.

They are still obsessed with what people think of them, scared of social isolation, scared of rejection from potential mates. So instead of risk saying how they feel and risk the cold shoulder the truth about that person they play all the games society wants them to.

They hold onto "friends" "family" and this ever loving "government" and "great society" holding the illusion of love and this over estimation of how much these people and things will really care about them without merit proof but hold onto the idea of image, authority and titles.

But that's all it is sometimes. Just titles and empty promises. Nothing more.

The fact is that for most people we don't have the luck to have great supportive emotionally sensitive and like minded family members let alone friends at times.

I get it, survival. And unfortunately for me and my life experience all I can conclude so far in my 26 years is that love is a lie. It's a pretty little lie that helps me and others to survive and live without having to face the truth and feel like total sociopaths. Purely depending on people for survival mostly.

So maybe I am incredible dumb or smart but I have refused to buy into the lie and face the cold hard truth in my life. Which is no body really cares about you. They are out for themselves and when push comes to shove they will turn away rather than fight for you or the relationship.

Or they will buy you with money false promises that they might actually believe themselves because they too buy into the idea of family and friends as a label only mostly.

But trust me as I've dealt with people I have put up with more than I would than a stranger. And I understand why. Same lived experiences closeness time energy invested. But in the end no one will truely experience life the way you do or process it the same. There will always be this niggling feeling to "keep the peace" "avoid confrontation" in fear of total isolation and ostracizasism. Whether it's life threatening or not.

And for me it is. It's getting to that point and it fucking sucks and I can say this now but such is life. Is rather live free and true to myself than someone who conforms and buries my truth to avoid others discomfort.

For fear of shattering someone else's illusion of normalcy.

It's not an easy decision but one I make everyday with great discomfort at times but at the end of the day great satisfaction I am who I am.

And no one can fucking change that.