A Brand New Day Indeed in Days of My Destiny

I rang the Committee's advisory group this morning and asked for the main person I've been dealing with, to let him know I have resigned as President and to thank him for their time and help in my short time on the Committee. He asked if it was okay to ask why, and I told him I didn't have the skills necessary to do the job required at this stage. He disagreed and said that he doesn't think I'm giving myself enough credit but said he wasn't going to try to talk me out of it (finally, a normal person! You should see the text messages I received from the Vice President and Treasurer last night, urging me to reconsider and then basically assuming I would come back after my trip to Chile.....). I told him that I am also studying and have small children and I can't take on all of it or else I'll end up being on big ball of stress by the end of the year and that this would be unfair on my family. He told me that he thinks the same thing everyday and told me he isn't brave enough to be as clever as I am. He also asked if my decision has anything to do with the possible restructure, I told him that partly, yes... I told him that there was confidential information that the Committee had, that somebody on the Committee leaked to somebody outside of the Committee, who then forwarded it directly to the people it related to. I could hear him sighing deeply in frustration. (Because again, he's normal.)

I then sent an email to the Committee to let them know I have resigned and to refer all correspondence to the Vice President. I got a phone call from the Admin Manager. She wanted to tell me that she is really disappointed that I've resigned because "we needed you, we really needed you...." I didn't know if she was crying or not... I said sorry for disappointing her and explained that it's too much at this point in time and that there's too much going on with the organization that I don't have the skills to manage it all. She understood. She said to me that I really made a huge difference to how things were beforehand, that I had no idea how stressful going to work was until I came. She said that I LISTEN and CARE. She said that I "put the people back into the building." I was really thankful for her feedback and said that I'd been thinking to myself how slack I was for resigning just before the 3-month mark, but that to know that I had some kind of influence for the better, was really great to hear. She thanked me again. She said she wanted to email me but she's not great with words and just wanted to call me. She said that other people might not say what she is saying to me, but that from the office's point of view, I really made a difference.

So that's that!

I messaged the Treasurer and Vice President this morning, saying, "I know myself well enough to know that I will not want to come back once I return from overseas. My resignation is final."

Like.... der.

So here I am... washing clothes, tidying up, being mum and not much else right now. It feels AWESOME.

It feels so awesome to know that I have mental space to deal with What Is.... I can pack and organize my house in a calm manner, not having my mind invaded by thoughts of the organization or to do with decisions pending and so on...... it really is a relief.