Identity in Life

I’ve been struggling with my identity for a long time.

That should really come as no surprise to anyone whose read literally any of my entries.

But I’m 37 going on 38. And… I gotta say, I don’t think we give people enough credit for making it through their 20s.

Seriously.

Like I’m almost 10 years out, I’ve just survived (somehow) the least crazy 2 years of my life. And that’s after

a) Moving across the Province
b) Supporting my mother’s divorce
c) Supporting my step father.
d) Leaving my career after nearly 15 years in culinary
e) Entering the Cannabis industry (How did this even, who let this happen!?)

But I’m nearly 10 years out… and like… I think I’m starting to believe I’m actually a good person, this life is worth living, maybe I should like… stay alive as long as possible.

Somebody said to me the other day “Adam, The Kitchen isn’t a personality” And this is something I think I’ve been avoiding. Like… When I came into this new job and new community I found myself trying to detract myself from the kitchen life as much as possible. Like it was a part of my identity that I was trying to sweep under the rug, for that very reason that I didn’t want that to be my identity.

But I’ve found, and this is where the addiction is in the industry, the worst of the worst addiction is that at some point there was a shift for how people viewed cooks. Like I went from being a seedy little drug head to being some sort of jaded quazi-micro-celeberty or like you’re invited into this weird guild that everyone who’s walked through the doors knew of. It’s like. Imagine if you could go anywhere, say what your field was and immediately people trust you, share stories with you, respect you.

I. Am. Not. Used. To. This.

And it scares me.

I don’t know why.

But it scare me.

I’ve always liked the question “Who are you”

I think because it’s a question that I ask myself a lot.

But lately I’ve been asking “What are your goals”

The answer to this question really shocks me about some people. Not what their goals are, I don’t shame. But some people are just blank staring when you ask them. I may never achieve things but (what if I do? What then?”) at least I have goals. I’m really focused on having goals lately.
Essentially what this entry is, is me thinking of all the different parts of my personality and try to find Adam in there.

So who am I?

Is my identity just a series of questions that we manage to gradually answer as time goes on?

Last updated February 21, 2022