I just have a few questions.. in Life Lessons
- Feb. 10, 2022, 4:22 p.m.
- |
- Public
So if you’ve read any of my previous entries, I’m sorry… I just get on here to vent and maybe get some advice from it.. but if you’ve seen any of my posts you know I have some issues with my in laws, which is causing problems with my husband..
here’s some info: my in laws live 3 hours from here, my parents live a mile down the road.. my husband told me in the beginning that I needed to rely on him now and not my parents so I have tried to do that.. if something is wrong I call him first, if my mom is trying to make plans I wait and call him before committing, etc..
My husband has been relying on his mom a lot… (for example my dog had pups, I had researched and know exactly what to do, but when it happened my husband called his mom to ask her opinions before even telling me) he calls her about everything, and he tells her every detail and tells he things before he even tells me… (he was thinking about changing jobs and told her before we could discuss it… I’ve tried to tell him to stop relying on her so much but he tells me that he can’t rely on her cause she don’t live here and that I’m the one that relies on my family because they live closer..
Also I have some health problems so I get sick more often then normal… I also have bad headaches (where I can’t comprehend things or tolerate noise - I just need to try to sleep it off with an ice pack because I get a fever) my MIL and SIL are convinced that every time I’m sick I’m just faking… I’ve had one of the bad headaches at their house and my MIL griped that I was hiding in the bedroom and not being friendly and that they didn’t have enough ice for me to keep refilling my ice pack… if I am at home sick and my husband tells them - they never check on me or anything..
my questions for the day are:
I tell my husband that he relies on his family more than I rely on mine (because he calls them) but he says it’s not possible for him to rely on his family because they live far away… is he right? And should I keep fighting with this or let it go? (Pick and choose your battles)
My other question is I was telling my husband how his parents don’t really care for me that much (when I’m sick, etc.) (when I have been sick at their house, they just gripe) he says that they can’t really care for me cause they live far away.. and that my parents don’t care for him either (although when my husband has been sick my parents come bring him soup and text to check on him multiple times a day) is it true that they can’t care from far away? I just don’t know if this is something I should let go?
Jodie ⋅ February 10, 2022
How dare he tell you not to rely on your parents...Shame on him....
I would I call my parents everyday to ask silly questions because I know they know the answer and they e-mail me and send me information that I might be interested in and I do the same.
I would just tell him that when it comes to husband and wife situations like him wanting to change jobs I would just tell him that is fine but he could have at least told you first but whatever....or I would say thanks for letting me know so late.
I would be calling my parents all the time and even going to visit them especially when you don't want to deal with the in laws.....And I would ask them(your parents) what they would do or not do with these situations....
CountryGirl Jodie ⋅ February 10, 2022
He doesn’t stop me from talking to them, just when we are trying to make a big decision he wants me and him to discuss it without my family in the middle of it…
I just don’t know what has changed with my MIL…
Jodie CountryGirl ⋅ February 11, 2022
Maybe it's because they are so far away and she feels jealous that your parents are o close?
But I think it's time for the whole family to talk about this and maybe all of you can come up with some different ways to deal with this?
Oh one more thing...when he wants to call his parents "for help" tell him first you and him need to finish the conversation and then ask what his parents think?
CountryGirl Jodie ⋅ February 11, 2022
I definitely think she is jealous we don’t live close to her (so my husband could do her honey do list) I just don’t understand why everyone has to cause problems… I have tried explaining that to him after his mom had a conversation about my husbands job before me and my husband talked about it…
Jodie CountryGirl ⋅ February 11, 2022
Then the logical solution would be for them to move closer to their darling son?
Stupid question? Why are your parents so close to you and his parents are so far away? Job? Housing?
CountryGirl Jodie ⋅ February 11, 2022
His mom is too stuck up to move here (though she always complains that she hates where she lives now) (but I’m fine with that cause I don’t want her in my business all the time) he moved here for college, then he quit and instead of moving back home he stayed here (because I was here) then this is just where we decided to live cause we both like it here!
Jodie CountryGirl ⋅ February 11, 2022
well then she will never change....And I do realize the "in your business" thing but then there are ways to not have that.....
Telstar ⋅ February 10, 2022
When you get married, you do things differently. Or sometimes you THINK you should do things differently.
When Teri & & got married, we lived in the same town as her parents and brothers. She was right out of college, and I had been out of college for about four years. She had her first teaching job & I had just started working at the hospital.
I can remember coming home one day and I noticed that she seemed a little sad. I inquired about it and she said, "I miss my parents and brothers."
"Well, why don't you stop over at their house on the way home from work everyday and visit with them?"
"Can I do that? I didn't think I was supposed to do that once we got married."
Obviously we got that clarified.............. And now, so many years later, after moving around for a long time, we live about two miles from where we first lived when we got married.
And she goes where she wants to - when she wants to.
CountryGirl Telstar ⋅ February 10, 2022
I definitely don’t feel that I can’t see my family without my husbands permission - more like big life decisions that they don’t need involved in… he just wants me to lean on him