I think I am doing the best job being calm as I can at this time. Just breathe. In and out. It seems suicide has been part of my life, and I am trying to figure out what I learn from these experiences.
I have never tried to or wanted to take my own life. That requires deep dark depression. I've been depressed plenty. The physical ailments I have would depress most people. I was first treated for depression after I injured my spine. shortly after that my mother passed away. I went to therapy for a few years. I took( still take) one of the SSRI's. (Zoloft).
For me that worked out great. I made the decision to stay on the med because it seemed to help in a few areas. I noticed right away that after 2 months on, my P.M.S. was almost gone. I had learned relaxation techniques. I still use them. I use to have anxiety attacks. I have slight anxiety at times. I have times when I am not as happy as other times, most people do. I laugh and smile more than cry .
Why can't others learn to manage their depression?
so in the last mother or so, my brother wanted to shoot himself in the head via his mouth. my daughter took a load of pills and the did a self rescue, meaning she told on herself and an ambulance was called and she was given treatment. many years ago my mother had a suicide attempt, I found her. she had taken pills of some type and drank a LOT of whiskey. She had intended on dying. she did not. I found her the next day and call for an ambulance. she was unconscious, had lost bladder control, was half off her bed. she spent almost 3 months in a hospital on the mental health unit. she did well after that.
Monday a friend, Christopher Stein, shot himself in the mouth. blew half his own head off. No one saw it coming. that is what my brother says. my brother and Chris's brother Jack are best friends from high school. They are younger than me by 5-7 years. I watched Chris , the youngest of the 3 guys, grow up to be a troubled man. getting in trouble with his drinking. married, has 3 children, divorce, he took great care of his children. the 2 girls are grown, one with a baby of her own. his son still in high school. he had remarried, 2 years ago. he seemed happy. always a smile. loved everyone. greeted everyone.
Monday morning he was missing. Jack opened the bar at 10am. ( his family owner the town pub for many years). john (my brother) was there at 10 am. the siren went off that signaled a rescue. The parade started at 11 am. The bar starts to get busy and everyone now knows someone shot themselves on the trails behind the park. Everyone is afraid it is Chris. at 3pm the police come to the bar to inform the family of Chris's death.
The entire village is mourning. we all knew him in one way or another. I was speechless until today. I could not write about this. I still have no words for the family.
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