It’s early Sunday morning and I’m still at my parents’ place. My bro, SIL and niece are here as well and I will be leaving soon after the sun comes up (I hope). I’ve had my fill and I’m done. Over the family time.
My dog hasn’t been feeling well so she hid under my mom and dad’s bed and is likely still there at this moment, although I hope she got out from under the bed and is snuggling with them (she loves to do that when she stays here). I am worried about her, but I’m pretty sure she’s okay and is likely just over it as well. She’s not used to chaos.
I made it a point to try to not let things get under my skin and I was going to leave yesterday, but I decided that I didn’t have anything planned at home so I’d spend some more time with the fam and spend another night, but it’s TIME to go.
I wish I could say I’ve had a fun, relaxing weekend, but I just can’t.
I wish I wasn’t annoyed, but I am.
How can I turn this around? And what is my role in all of this? Also, if I’m this annoyed, I wonder how my family sees me? Uptight? Uncaring?
It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that our dynamics are SO frustrating to me. I can handle each person individually - it’s when we get together that I lose my mind.
My brother’s family can NEVER seem to get it together.
My mom is always the center and must always have her needs met immediately. My dad accommodates. Now that I’ve figured that out in therapy, I can’t unsee it.
I should just relax and know that this is simply the dynamic until we no longer have all of these elements (say, if someone should die, leave, etc.) and just let it be. But my buttons are pushed when the whole family gets together.
Okay, I’m going to suck it up this morning long enough to get myself together, breakfast (maybe?) and get out of here.
I love them, I do. They mean well and I’m so grateful to how they were all with me throughout my cancer treatment this year.
I just need to figure out how not to get triggered.
Is this something that can be learned or am I just destined to always feel this dissonance? I feel like I should know this by now, but I don’t.
Anxiously,
GS
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