May 23rd in The Wanderer

It is so weird to me that only a couple of months ago I was having a going away party in Lynnfield, MA. It seems like AGES ago. So much has changed. I haven't felt this happy in awhile. I thought the dread of coming back to California would last a long time, but it really isn't bad. I am really happy I am not paying much in rent right now because I have been able to pay things off and buy a ticket to Washington. I can't wait to start actually SAVING money though.

Things with D are awesome. Work has gotten a lot better. I have been so busy I never have time to feel bored, in fact there are so many things I wish I had time to do!! Like write more letters to my pen pals! Luckily, I wrote a few tonight that I can get into the mail tomorrow.

Wednesday was discussion group and Orlando came along. The topic was authenticity and the spectacle. Definitely things we both had a lot to input on! Ultimately, we all agreed authenticity is impossible and being outside of the spectacle is out of the question, but the important thing to do is create what feels authentic to your true self. We talked about how it would feel much more authentic to actually grow your own food and work the land, instead of working at a corporation and earning some money then going to a grocery store and buying food. We also talked about how even if we lived off the land, there still wouldn't be complete authenticity and you also would not be completely out of the spectacle, but if one feels that is their way towards authenticity, then it is best to go that way. Others may feel more authentic owning their own business and creating a materialistic life, but that is definitely not me! We all agreed it is about Being not about Having.

After group, I dropped Orlando off and then went over to D's. We had another super fun drunk night and I feel like I am getting more and more close to him and able to be myself! I love the beginnings of flings. So much passion. Excitement. Newness. Wish it could stay that way over time.

Today I worked at noon and it was shitty. I worked 8 hours and only made 70 bucks because I had to be out of the shitty patio. Then it started randomly raining right when we got busy and all the people got up and moved inside. Then I had to buddy break some dude. Then they gave me extra side work. At least D came in at 4 so I had a few hours with him. :)