is there really such a thing as "unconditional love"? I mean seriously... can love really have no conditions, can a human love a another human regardless of their mental state, physical state, emotional state, etc? I'm so beyond aggravated that I'm almost to the point of just saying "fuck it" and shutting off my emotions towards the one person that should care but apparently doesn't.
yesterday was the year anniversary of the day i miscarried our daughter. did he even say anything? of course not.
i weeded the garden out of anger and frustration because i wasn't sure how else to quell the black hole in my heart that i felt... i didn't even get a thank you.
last night when it was obvious i was upset, he was completely silent, and actually shut himself in the office rather than attempt to talk to me.
why do i have to initiate conversation? why can't he simply hold me and just let me feel the emotions that need to be felt to deal with all this shit?
the kicker to all this is i'm fairly certain he finds me physically repulsive. if he doesn't, he's giving off the vibe that he does. he doesn't like how i look? fine. i'll just stay clothed around him. wouldn't want to make him grimace at the sight of his own wife.
seriously. just fuck it all. i'm tired of feeling.
my therapist is going to be pissed... but i'm not sure i care.
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