TO DAY IS NOT A GOOD DAY in ANXIETY AND ME

WEDNESDAY 17TH DECEMBER 2014

To day is not a good day
I woke up this morning feeling very low and fretful and panicky
I think the reason being is I’m so tired mainly because of the last two days excitement, I had worried my self silly about doing the London trip with my sister (even though we look back at it now and realised we didn’t have to worry as nothing went bad or wrong)
I’m also shattered as I didn’t sleep very well last night like every night for the past few months
Ive also got a lot on my mind in organising Christmas. Although I’ve got all the food and presents I’ve still got to wrap them all and make sure the house is clean and tidy and get the fresh bit on Christmas eve

Also I’m fretting about money for some reason I’ve got it in my head I’m going to get letter from the bank saying I’m very over drawn and letters from the council saying they couldn’t get any money out my bank to pay the rent I am waiting for them to arrive
I’m also worrying that I wont have enough money to pay the rest of the bills or put food on the table

I know I should have sorted all this out when I first went off sick but as usual because I was alright and could pay the bills I thought everything was alright so didn’t get round to sorting stuff out with the council as they are the most important

So now I’m stressing about it and my anxiety is on the up

I mean take today for example I went into town this morning as I thought I had a doctors appointment only when I got there I found its for tomorrow and not for today I felt such a twat
So I thought I would pop into church and have a word with the big guy upstairs I’m finding I’m doing a lot of that just lately I’m looking for something but not sure what some spiritual enlightenment maybe I don’t know but every time I think I’m getting myself into a state or think there is something bad going to happen I find myself talking to the big guy up stairs I suppose we all have to have a little bit of faith or something to believe in

Anyways as I’m sat in church having a chat with the big guy and lighting candles for family who have past and my dogs too I’m sat there in tears
I have no idea why I started crying maybe its the relief to be home or the fact I’m tired or I’m worrying about money or because I’ve got a lot to do but I stared crying and I couldn’t stop
I thought the poor people in the church setting up this morning thought who is this mad woman sat crying

I promised myself and the big guy upstairs that when I came home and there was nothing bad waiting for me I would sort my self no matter how hard or painful it became and I still haven’t done it instead I’m sat here on my laptop surfing the net and that’s how I got myself into the state I’m in now sat here doing nothing

I feel so drained and tired and confused and I’m not sure why