Afraid to be Alone, so settling for less... in Life in the Lost Lane...

What a fucking day, bad enough that i have to work part of a 3rd shift...But my brother has been going through a divorce that my parents are paying for, lets be honest, my parents buy a lot of stuff for him, probably because hes the younger sibling and doesnt know how to grow up. But hes going to have a day with his soon to be ex wife, but maybe not so ex as we thought. WTF she is a druggie and a drunk and has screwed everyone since youve been married, but your so afraid of being alone you will just pick whomever you think will do and when prospective people dont work out for you, you would rather make it work with your ex. Obviously there is a reason that it didnt work in the first place. Oh wait ya my bad, shes a WHORE! Grrrwl Then since you are feeling judged because you are, you feel the need to attack my life and my choices. Ya i will judge, i would have thought you had learned after the first time. Attack me verbally because my fiance is in prison, ya so what he can get out this year and still be something better than you crappy wife. He also treats me far better than i have been in the past, and certainly far better than your piece of poo you got going on. I believe certain people get second chances, but that woman has used up her 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on. She doesnt deserve him, nor does she deserve the children that she created.

My brother yells at me that my fiance is mostly likely cheating on me, lol, thats funny, every time that my brother or his wife would get mad at me, thats the first thing that they would attack, i just think they are jealous for how well that we get along. We dont have to fight, we have nothing to fight about, we enjoy each others company and i personally believe he is my soulmate, my other half that i have been searching for so many years. He is the reason i see why it never worked with anyone else. So for him to judge me because of my past which i had the courage to leave after 7 years, jumping into the blind abyss because i had no plans at all, just to get out of the situation or even my present, dear brother, i wouldnt have an issue with your choices if you were even half way happy, which you were not, she is the same person she was when she left, oh look she finally got that GED that she has been working on more than not for the last 6 years because everything was more important, too bad it wasnt that it was her kids. More so the partying and the sex with different people that were more important. Everyone deserves to be happy, she makes everyone miserable, you, me, our parents and the little ones that should be seeing their mother everyday. But instead she doesnt want to be that full time mommy like she should, she wants to be that eh every so often mommy, maybe for holidays and one weekend a month, kinda like the national guard right? I wish i just had the ability to let it go, but i dont, i keep holding onto things but i will feel better when i talk to my fiance tomorrow. Im sorry if i have the idea that when you get married, its for the rest of your life, you and only you are the one that gets to see your spouse naked and its you and only you that produce children with them.

Im sorry if i have the idea that we are all to do our own pulling of things, jobs, chores, no government assistance, only to those that truly need it. That woman didnt need it, she was too lazy to get up and get a job, and when she did get a job, she had worked at a liquor store and 2 months later she was put in jail right before 11 for drunken and disorderly conduct at her job. This is the type of person that you want to be with for the rest of your life, one that wastes money and makes everyone miserable? I do, i feel very sorry for you, because you dont think that you deserve more, you deserve much, much more, but you are unwilling to wait for it. Life isnt about sex my dear brother, its about being happy. Youre too damn impatient to wait for it. Even though i knew my fiance before, he was just shy of 5 yrs younger than i was, that is a no no, but i thought he was cute and now that we are older and have gone through our hardest trials to date, we are stronger for it and realize what we really want in life. To be together for the rest of our lives, have children and be happy for what we have accomplished. Now im not naive to think that life is all rainbows, not a chance, i did go through some seriously tough times in my past, but its the past for a reason. I dont live there anymore. But his past just never leaves or he is unwilling to leave it behind, just because you have a kid with someone doesnt mean you have to stay with them. Obviously that person doesnt make you happy. Dear brother, you have to be the one to be tired of it, if you keep going back you will continue to make the same mistakes, i wish you well in whatever you do, i may not like it or be a part of it, but i hope you eventually realize that you are worth far more than you think.

As ever Dear Diary...