Mother issues… in Life Lessons

So last time I was with my mother in law she was griping because her husband is going to build a porch awning for his mom, her mother in law. My mother in law does not like her (because she asks her husband to help her with stuff because she is a widow) seems rude to me.. so she is very upset that he is going to help her, then the next day she calls my husband to drive 3 hours to come re plumb their shop bathroom.. for free.. it doesn’t bother me but it’s just ridiculous that she gripes when her husband helps his mom out but then expects free work out of her son… I don’t know how to make her understand and not be such a jerk all the time..

My mom has issues too… I have a 16 year old sister, a 10 year old sister and 7 year old brother. The older one does what she wants all the time and they hardly ever know where she is at (while I’m 22 and married - my mom stalks my every move) the younger 2 are complete brats because she won’t make them mind at all.. she will tell them to do something and they will tell her to do it, instead of punishing them she just says ok and does it herself.. if they are doing something they shouldn’t, she’ll tell them to stop - they won’t listen then she’ll just watch them keep doing it… I don’t know why she is like this, I don’t know how to stop that…

Also my mom doesn’t like my 10 year old sister hanging out with kids her own age and she has forced her to always want to hang out with my 2 year old cousin all the time - so now she has a weird obsession with her - the parents of the 2 year old and the rest of our family think it’s really weird and that they need friends their own age.. I don’t know how to help that situation either..

Maybe none of these situations are my business, but it is my family so I’d like to help if I can.. any suggestions?