How to be Unnecessarily Mean to your Colleagues in Procrastination Journal

My classmate sent me this text:

"what can I do to my voice to make it sound like epic black gospel?"

I am currently trying to figure out the reply that would most make him feel guilty about being white.

1. "Why are you asking me?"/"How would I know?"
2. (as a follow up): "Am I the only black person you know?"
3. "I don't know, inject pot liquor from collard greens into your larynx?"
4. "Gain 50 pounds, half in melanin"
5. send him this video:
   and tell him to watch just the first part but I know he'll watch the whole thing.

Haha I'm a horrible person?

I really am going to send him this one