Army of Arms in These Foolish Things

Did I tell you all about spending all of this time trying to go through my company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) to find a therapist to help me wrap my head around all of the shit that’s going on in my life? I did a whole bunch of clicking around the insurance company’s listing of eligible therapists and then googling the hell out of each option, scheduling an after-hours appointment, and writing down all of the stuff I wanted to talk about only to be ghosted by the dude?

I must have - because that’s how one of you PBers knew to offer your therapist’s contact information to me.

Man, am I ever relieved.

Last night was Therapy Session #1. After a couple of Zoom glitches (typical, but always stressful), we settled into a BIG talk - mainly me wanting to make sure she knew about as much shit as I could verbally vomit out of my head. And she listened, took notes, asked questions in such a way that I felt a huge relief just to get it out and then she offered an exercise of sorts.

I’d never heard of somatic therapy before. Or maybe I had and it just hadn’t registered. But we did a couple of body movements that she had me hold and then release and oh my gosh!

It wasn’t a miracle or an overnight change, but I felt a physical refreshment in addition to the comfort of a mental release.

I’m looking forward to more sessions.

The timing is perfect as I inch closer to the close of my active cancer treatment and feel like I’m about to be able to let out the breath I have been holding for eight months. I’m afraid I’m going to fall apart when I finally let it out, but at least I feel like I’m building my army of those with strong arms that I can fall into.

Grateful,
GS